I’ve been giving some more thought to paranoia and anxiety and am trying to figure out some of the triggers. I noticed yesterday that when I felt some anger rising I clenched my fist. Now I need to figure out some of the triggers that happen when the paranoia creep in. I think I maybe know some of them.
Both times that I have had severe paranoid episodes I was out for the evening. The first time it happened I thought it was down to drinking, but I had to dismiss this when it happened again and I’d not been drinking because I was driving. I think the possible triggers were being among strangers who were drunk, my wife was also drinking, not enjoying where I was or feeling comfortable, feeling uptight and not being able to hear the conversation or not being part of it which was in part from feeling unconfident and this led me to feel ‘out there’ instead of part of what was going on. My wife who was drunk didn’t understand my feelings partly because she was drunk but partly because she thought I was just being awkward and trying to stop her enjoying herself. I also felt that she wasn’t bothered about how I might be feeling, I feel like that often. I often feel that shes passive aggressive.This led to my mind doing quadruple time and I then started to get extremely paranoid and angry to the point of aggression rising inside me and feelings of wanting to start a fight to release the aggression. I’m not usually the kind of person who feels like that or who starts fights, although I wouldn’t shy away from protecting those closest to me.
So I need to figure out some triggers that lead to these situations arising. I’ve decided that if it starts to happen again I need to try really hard to notice changes in my body temperature or how I feel or if I clench my fist or any other change in physical mannerisms. It won’t be easy as usually I’m already feeling paranoid before I notice, but I hope that by being openminded and aware I can look out for triggers!
