It’s Sunday morning aleads and this time tomorrow I’ll of had my appointment. I’m feeling much calmer than I did only a few days ago. In all honesty I had thought I would get sectioned and it scared me. I realise that it was the inllness talking to me and making me overly anxious and paranoid. Now I feel reasonably ok. I’m still a tiny bit high but levelling out a bit I think. I’m still unsure as I’ve been her countless times before and have tripped myself up countless times by thinking I’m level and haven’t been. I still think that the last few weeks and even the last few I the while high have been the worst I’ve been for a long while or maybe ever. I say worst. I mean unwell. I can’t say the worst I’ve been really because it’s awesome having that strength, energy, determination, drive and passion for life.
I’ve started planning work for further ahead than a day or two now. I have months and months of work ahead of me and people are usually prepared to wait for me so it’s all good stuff really.
I am now kind of looking forwards to tomorrow and talking about things with someone who can hopefully help in some way. I’m not sure what help I want or need but I guess I want to know that next time I get so far out there I have back up and support. Had I of had my appointment a week ago I would of been highly agitated and maybe too paranoid to be fully open with them. Maybe I still won’t be fully open with them but with it being a stranger I can at least feel not judged and they don’t know me personally either. Anyway it’s all just life. I just wish I had another outlet to really use the power that comes with the madness because I only use it at work in the winter. Summer time I guess it fuels my work and gardening.
