Where am I at?  Hmmm.  The last week was tricky.  I have my suspicions as to why. It’s a rollercoaster that’s for sure.  I’m almost 46 and am wondering if I’ve become what I never wanted to become in life.  I’m wondering if I’m still young or am I already getting old?  Am I still capable?  I think I am.  There’s so much I want to achieve in life. There’s so much I intended to do but things have changed.  If at the end of my life people think I’ve lived an average life I’ll be happy.  Happy because it means in some ways I’ve remained hidden and happy because what goes on in my head hasn’t escaped too much.

What really is life? Is it simply an imagination? Is it an alien in a virtual reality game playing a character and at death we just remove the headset/blindfold.  Maybe I need to get out of my head.  Out of it fully and look in.  Often I make myself busy doing things but neglect the inner workings. Workings which I used to spend so much time on.  Life certainly is circular.  Ouroboros.  It’s always hidden yet it’s in plain sight.  Everything is.  Mind gymnastics.

Letting the thoughts run free…hmmm….good or bad I don’t know.   What more can I do.  What more should I do.  What should I strive for.  To be a warrior?  Life is about all of it.

Thoughts come. Thoughts go.  Up and down and all around.  Escape is the way.

Maybe leaving earth is the way forwards. I wonder if everyone who’s a deep seated Christian thinks they’re living in the end times like The Book of Revelation.  Maybe this is all just my reality and there is no such thing as others.  Maybe they’re just part of my imagination.  My will as a magician is being tested perhaps.  Maybe this path was chosen for me or I chose it.  Maybe nothing is real. Maybe everything is possible.

 Eh Yeh Asher Eh Yeh.