I’ve realised that I fear lots of things in life. I fear the unknown and change at times. I try not to, but I have to face the fact that I do. I’ve kept myself stuck at times rather than letting myself fly, but flying scares me. The unknown element of it scares me lots. Decisions scare me too. I put things off hoping that they will either go away or that they will be ok in the end. I fear not making changes too. I fear getting old and looking back at the things I was too scared to do and longing for the answers that those changes may of brought. Life doesn’t have a fast forward or rewind button either, which is a shame. I’ve been called selfish in the past but usually I worry about others more than they know. I worry that I’m slowly killing others inside or I worry that I’m not doing enough of some things. I fear wrong choices because in the recent past in my business I’ve made huge errors. So although I’m usually very positive I do have fears. I’ve never traveled outside the UK because mentally I’ve not been able to handle the idea of the details for fear of getting something wrong.
I’m at a time in my life where I need to make changes, to get rid of my fears, to live fully, to face those fears head on….but what if I make mistakes, can I handle that? I always try to do the right thing by others, sometimes far more than they’ll ever know. Maybe I’m just a shell, not enough of a man. I know that only I can really decide on what it is I need or what it is that I must face, what fears I should deal with. Maybe I need to talk to someone outside of my normal life. Maybe I should call someone who used to give me counselling.
