Last night I slept almost all the way through, it’s been over a week, I did wake up when my wife got home and used the toilet. My dreams were strange again and one of my dreams was about fighting against my dad, we don’t speak. I also woke a few times with what like pains in my left kidney. They were certainly in the left side of me and I had to roll over. They were noticeable enough to wake me slightly. Maybe it wasn’t my kidney but it felt like it. I’m hoping that I’ve got plenty of energy for the day ahead today and that I’m getting back on track with my sleep. Usually I sleep well which is a huge bonus in helping to control my moods. They do fluctuate though. I chatted with someone last night who thinks I’m more bipolar than Cyclothymic. Maybe I need to go visit a different doctor instead of the one who I saw last time and get a referral. I know that I just about function in society but often I’m wearing my builders mask and inside I’m confused. I’ve noticed my short term memory is playing up which is highly unusual for me, it’s usually really good as is my long term memory. I don’t want to get worse with my condition, I actually fear that I am getting worse and that I’m loosing control and loosing my mind.
I have noticed that I’m seeing slightly more dark shapes. I’m not sure if this is my psychic ability or if I’m hallucinating. My ears are certainly hearing different noises. I don’t want it to be delusions that’s for sure. I’m aware of it all so does that help or does it not matter? I’m not sure. Either way I need to keep a close check on it. I run my own business, as I’ve said before, and sometimes I work alone so I don’t always have someone ‘keeping an eye’ on me. Not that I need it normally. I’m just very aware of these things right now. My hearing has just kind of gone slightly muffled. I don’t know. I’ll keep an eye on myself. Two if possible. Also I need to stay off a bipolar forum that I’ve joined as I’m becoming addicted. I don’t want it to become my new addiction. It’s a really helpful place though.
