Once again I’m anxious. Very anxious. I’m not sure why because today I can have an easy day if I want to. I woke up at 5:15 and have snoozed a little since then. I’ve got cold sores coming on my face again, I thought they were going. My stomach is in knots too. I’m hoping that once I’m at work it will pass. I feel silly because yesterday I felt normal and because of that I felt fake. How bloody stupid of me. Who am I really and when will I know?
I’m sat here tying myself in knots and I don’t even know what about. I know I have to step back on the treadmill yet again. Everything is building up. I think I’m starting to worry about how I will pay for the funeral too. There’s still so much to do and so ice paperwork to go through. It’s getting a bit painful again. I’m hot too. My body is hot. Do I get lots of paperwork sorted out today or do I go to physical work and earn money. I don’t know. The house needs more clearing too. I never used to be so indecisive. I’m becoming a twat now I’m getting older. Weak minded too. Ah sod it all. I might just go back to bed. Go and hide from it all. I wish I could but I can’t.
Oh my ears are ringing too. Am I going up or down. I don’t know. I’ll have to wait and see. Fuck.
