I know I’m unwell. It’s not often I know when I am but I’m up and down like a yoyo. I hate how quickly bipolar depression hits. It’s not there then bang it’s there. I’m not sure if I’m rapid cycling or in a mixed state. Probably a bit of both. Yet again I’m off facebook as it’s safer that way. I won’t start calling everyone cunts and telling them to fuck off. That’s one downside of having a high IQ and intelligence. When I’m mixed or ultradian cycling I get really angry with people who really should be helping themselves but I stead do the opposite. They won’t take responsibility for themselves and it really gets to me. I’m pretty paranoid of late and ive seen a few things too. Oh well. Fucking bipolar fucking downs.
I almost went home as I couldn’t cope earlier. Maybe half hour ago. All I wanted to do was go to bed. I think I’m lifting again already. I’m tired. Too tired. Of everything. I need to take more control of myself and my life. I’m just bumbling along and it’s no good.
In August theres a get together of people from a bipolar group I’m on. I said I’m going but I’m not sure if I will. It’ll end up with drinking and it might trigger me. Also I can’t risk screwing a week up afterwards. Oh well. I’ll decide nearer the time.