What is it that people want from me or see in me? I just don’t get people. Often they have an agenda. What do people keep telling me I’m a special person etc? I don’t get it. I think I’m still actually gullible and I know I’m vulnerable too. People confuse me really. Too much fake fuckery with most. The few gems do kind of shine through but how do I see them through the shit? I’m to intelligent to have to put up with all of their shit. They must think I’m daft.
I’ve taken myself of a group I was on yet again and removed myself from Facebook too. It’s all too much of a distraction. I’ve tried to help others with bipolar and others without it too but often they want something instead. They need to feed themselves. All of this feeding off others really isn’t good. It’s vampirism. Psychological vampires. Feeding off others. People wonder why I care so much. It’s because I’m a caring person and often people need help. I know they think I’m stupid and should walk away but I try not to just give up on people.
I’m tired. That’s why I need the break/escape from these fake online worlds. Being real is all I know and right now I need to find myself among all of this crazy world. I think I’m becoming physically unwell again too. Fuck.