What a weekend!

I’ve had an amazing weekend and am feeling really good. It’s not a high type good it’s a good type of feeling good.  Fynn and I fished for over 7 hours Saturday night and then about 7 hours yesterday during the day. He loved it and caught his first smoothound and it’s really given him some confidence and good feelings.  It was helped by a conversation I had on Facebook messenger with one of his fishing heroes who fishes with another of his heroes. We chatted and I cheekily asked if they could maybe mention Fynn in a video. Not only did they mention him they chatted briefly about how I’d messaged them and gave some advice but then said they wanted to see a video of him fishing and showing some of what he does to catch fish.  Since then they’ve shared some of the photos of him and shared a video of us fishing too.  It’s really made him feel so much better about himself.  He even spoke on the video I made too!

After fishing yesterday we called at the allotments and the field and he was really helpful over there.  His mum and sister were at the field when we got there and he could of gone home with them but chose to stay and help me and that really touched me that he chose to stay instead because it meant he chose helping me and being with me over getting home and on the iPad watching fishing videos.  When we did get home we both washed the gear etc and I’ve now bought a new rod and reel to use.  Things like these are so important. They’re so important because it’s making memories for him and if or when I’m unwell again I might not be up to fishing so much over a weekend. I kind of get the feeling that I might not get so unwell again or certainly not for some time.  

Tomorrow will be 2 years since my dad died and I feel ok about it now.  It’s all kind of put into perspective and I guess I’m moving on from so many things which it brought up including how it tipped me over the edge mentally so quickly and have a kind of breakdown along with loosing the plot and heading into mania.  It seems like so far away now and it’s good to of moved forwards. Knowing I can get unwell so quickly is fucking scary but I have even more mechanisms in place now so hopefully I can help ride things out if it starts to slip or flip.  

It’s good to feel good.  

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