Tired. Slightly down. Op

I’m tired and I’m low on energy. Some of it is down to bipolar, some of it is down to having to work my tits off yet again just trying to stay afloat and some of it is down to my gallstone. Today I’ve had slight rumblings in my right side caused by the gallstone. All of the above play on each other.  I’ve popped in to do some work after finishing work, yes it doesn’t make that much sense really but it does too.  I’m broke in all ways. I will recover again yet I’m sure. I’m fighting hard to just stay afloat but also to get slightly ahead as I’ve got a date for the operation to remove my gallbladder. I’m in to be operated on on 12th October. Part of my brain is telling me I’ll die in the op. The other part, the rational part, is telling me it’s just a normal procedure and everything will be fine. My paranoia is playing up with me over it.  It’s something I’ll just have to live with.  If it’s straight forwards keyhole surgery I’ll be off work for 2 weeks. If they have to switch to open surgery, highly unlikely, I’ll be off work for up to 10 weeks.  2 weeks off I can almost survive financially.  Almost. Up to 10 weeks and we’re fucked.  Stress rises inside.  I’m still working out with Fynn and regaining muscle and strength and it should help with recovery.  Regardless my mood isn’t the best it could be.  

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