Every time I break or get knocked down I get back up stronger. I mend. I’m resilient. I grow. I find a way back on track. I will never be beaten fully as long as I have a breath in my body. I fight and continue to fight. The older I get the more I realise how fortunate I am in life and how much I’ve learned in life so far. I wish I could help others more than I do. Maybe one day I’ll find a way and find more strength so I can actively help others. I don’t know yet but if I can I’ll find a way. Life is what it is and I am lucky to have loving support. I’m not always easy to be around but when I’m well I try to support people back. A friend checked in on me a few nights ago as he was worried about me and how much I was posting on Facebook about death. It really meant a lot to me and possibly more than he’ll ever know. He was right. I was obsessing with death. I’d been looking at trees again looking at their nice high strong branches which I could hang myself from. I told nobody about it but it obviously came out online in things. Luckily it was yet another dip and blip. It’ll soon be the anniversary of my fathers death and I know this is what has affected me. I knew beforehand too but it doesn’t stop it happening. Im a survivor.