It’s 6:50am here and I went to sleep later than usual last night and have been up over an hour already. I’m feeling anxious about the day ahead. I’m very aware of the need to earn money and especially the need to organise a van very soon. I s chatted through with my wife and have decided not to hurry into a decision about fixing my van or buying a new one either. Usually when I rush a decision it can backfire in some ways, it hurts when it happens too, so much so it can feel like the world is ending and I then put even more pressure upon myself which speeds the drop off even more. It’s all a waiting game.
I consider myself a lucky person most of the time and things have a way of coming along exactly when needed. Sometimes I just push too much and can screw with that a bit. This time I need to let nature take its course and bring the right thing to me. It’s not easy though.
I usually like to be fully in control. I guess it’s one of my coping methods. I usually feel like I have to be the strong person and that can really take its mental toll. The few times when I have surrendered to letting others be fully in charge has brought about relief and nice new experiences in the end, but it’s very hard to allow that to happen. Sometimes it can be hard because I can get paranoid about how things will pan out, but as Bill Hicks said ‘Life is just a ride’ www.youtube.com/watch?v=iMUiwTubYu0
I have a saying, `nothing is real, everything is possible`