Feeling very good

I woke up this morning at 5:30am and just lay there until I got up at 6:10.  I checked emails, then went outside and did some Qigong and meditation even though it is a little frosty.

I`m feeling good. Very good. In fact I`m feeling very productive today and am rearing to go and crack on with the day ahead.  I do have a slight reservation though. I know that if something goes a little wrong I could either crash or I can pass it off quickly and move forwards. Both worry me slightly because if I crash from it I will feel setback, but if I pass it off I know I will feel much better and more confident and that my confidence and my ego too will inflate and could take me higher. I think I will try to keep the confidence going and the energy flowing because I need to get through some serious amounts of work to get money in.  I feel that I`m a little more in control now I don`t drink coffee or eat anything sugary as they would send me higher than a rocket and I used to use them as a crutch to elevate my work levels. Hopefully now when I get tired I know I`m getting tired and start to back off a little.  Little steps.  I want to do some punchbag work and skipping when I get home later so I can burn any excess energy off.

Feeling more human?

I’ve not written since Friday.

Yesterday it took until 1:06pm until I realised I actually felt quite present. The morning head spent with racing thoughts, at times quite aggressive thoughts, thoughts of feeling down and feeling a little like a victim too.

I’ve realised that when I am very present I feel how I imagine most people feel most of the time, human.  When I’m feeling good I feel superhuman, when I’m feeling down I feel like the scum of the earth and worthless. I liken this to high ritual magic and the seeking of conversation with ones holy guardian angel.

what is it to feel human or for that matter to be human?

I’be been a vegetarian for over 8 months, almost vegan, coffee free and alcohol free for that long too. I think that has helped me start to come to terms with how my mind is slightly different.  I feel like I have more control now too, to a degree.  Meditation and Qigong have helped hugely.  I’ve meditated for years and years now. The more I meditate the more I start to understand myself.  I seek enlightenment in this life too.  Maybe by understanding myself much more I get much closer to it.

life never ceases to amaze me in both respects.