Yesterday morning I was really grumpy. Really really grumpy. I’ve put most of this down to training thighs on Thursday and how much it takes out of me, but last night I took myself off out the way for a long bath because I felt I was going the other way. A long way the other way. My thoughts were racing and the evening seems a bit of a blur. I’m glad I took myself away because otherwise I might of ended up all over the place. I know that I’d lost touch with what some would call reality a little last night but reality has returned already this morning. My sleep last night was good but a little disturbed. I had to force myself to go up to bed and to lay down. I started to feel like I wouldn’t sleep but realised this and relaxed my whole body. I used to love the feeling of being wired, I love it less so nowadays. I’m gong to watch my moods very carefully today at work. I should of seen the warning signs. I’ve been on facebook far far too much this last week and I’ve also put off making a bill out for someone and put off other paperwork. I’ll be honest. When it creeps up on me and I’m not fully aware it shocks me. I often think I’m getting it all under control, it had been for at least 2-3 months. Oh well if it’s just the odd mini up and down I can live with that. A full blown 2-3 month high on the other hand is a different beast altogether.
I think that the biggest trigger for me is my mum and the aniversary of her death, which is late next week. Every year around this time I seem to implode or self distruct my own mind somehow. Usually I get physically unwell too, possibly brought on by being high and or mixed and running on adrenalin. This year is different because we don’t have a car at the minute I’m only working 6-6 1/2 hours each day so I’m not pushing myself too much. Maybe it’s a blessing in disguise.
