I’ve been wondering all day about if I should write this or not. Well I’m writing so I guess it’s going to be put down here. First I must say that im feeling ok tonight. That I’ve had a good day today too. Work went well and I’m in an ok place. Right that said I need to go back to last night. Late afternoon/early evening yesterday I started drinking. I drank lots. I’m not a drinker but last night I drank more than two bottles of wine. I got extremely wasted. I almost broke down but didn’t quite. I ended up in a bad place mentally and emotionally and thanks to a few online friends I was able to get through it. I got so very low last night I couldn’t see a way out of anything. I was suicidal. I very nearly took a rope and hung myself. It didn’t quite get that far but the thoughts were there fully and I went up the garden where I intended to do it. In part it was down to the drink bringing up lots of emotions and grief. It heightened everything. I think that’s why I drank. So that I could try to get all of it out. To let go. Anyway it didn’t quite work that way. Anyway I’m here to tell the tale today. Last night I really didn’t think I would be. Life goes on and perspectives change, luckily.
