Once again it’s that time where I question who I actually am. I’m 40 years old and I’m still not fully sure who I am but I’m starting to feel a bit better though. I’m starting to feel a bit superman again rather than a worthless piece of shit who always fucks things up. At least that is good. So who am I? Or what am I? I would love to be someone else for a day and to know and feel things how they do. Someone who is balanced and normal. Just to have normal thoughts, not bad, fast or warped. That would be so strange but I would like to see what it’s like. No black dog. No superman. No blankness at times. I’ll bet it’s boring as fuck though.
Today the housing person comes around to tell us what we are supposed to get cleared at my dads house. That’ll be fun, I doubt. It’ll feel invasive and weird. Very weird. That house represents safety for me. I guess I have to start growing up now and start being fully responsible for my own life. I know I certainly need to get myself better or much more level because the older I get the worse things seem to get. I need to get my money situation in life far better that’s for sure. I need to get moving with getting off grid asap too. Start producing our own electricity etc. We have started growing food on a small scale but need to take it further. It will happen. I am superman.
