I am anxious yet again. I am off Facebook because I need to get my head around everything. I need to retreat into myself once again. I’m shocked at what I did last night yet not surprised in some ways. I feel glad that I’m here writing this right now. My anxiety is building though. I am levelling off from being so mixed or at least I hope I am. Lately I have had anger and rage build up so fast it can be worrying. The last few weeks I have pushed my mind and body too far I think and this is the moment of payback that always happens. My cough has almost subsided and that is a relief. My neck is sore from last night but that’s ok. I can deal with that. The mental torture I put myself through is what I need to control now. I have to reassess what my triggers are. I am not going to be drinking for a while now or at least I’m going to try not too. Retreat into self is the way I know that works. I must sleep soon and get my circadian rhythms back on track. I need to eat and sleep properly again. I could do with more time off work but that will come. I am looking forwards to getting back to the routine of work on Monday and really hope it balances my fucking crazy mind. Yesterday seems such a long way away and that’s good.
