I’m tired of trying and trying and getting nowhere. I’m tired of trying to find out who I am. I’m tired of fucking up. I’m tired of people taking the piss out of my good nature. I’m tired.
I have booked a doctors appointment because I reached a point this morning where I felt I had cracked. Too often I put things off. This morning I felt at crisis point and just had no answers. I felt like everyone tells me what I want to hear or they tell me what to do. The internal clatter in my head is beyond what it has been before. I want to go to sleep forever. I have fucked up all of my friendships. I make my wife unhappy. My stepdaughters avoid me and I’m pretty sure they don’t like me anymore. Friends seem to come and go. I just want to be alone forever. I’m not sure I can cope anymore. I’m tired of wearing my mask and being ‘ok’ when others ask. I am tired.
