It’s Sunday evening and today I thought I had kind of levelled a bit but the reality is I’m just getting used to being all over the fucking place. Im still a bit wired. I woke up after 9:30am and actually had anxiety before going to sleep. My appointment is on the 18th and is starting to play on my mind a little. Maybe more than a little. I woke up with a pain in my back on the right side which was going up through my neck into the right side of my brain and head. Today I’ve been wired and edgy. The thing is I kind of enjoy it but don’t like it too at the same time. I think I put everyone else in our house on edge and maybe I do. Maybe I am too unstable to be here sometimes and should take myself off at times so they can relax and just be. I don’t know. Anyway back to stuff. I’m feeling pretty amazing right now. Cold but amazing. My brain has gone up a gear and my finger can’t type quick enough. I feel limitless. I would imagine it will be suggested I go onto medication but I fear it will dull my mind and thinking although I know that’s part of the reason for being on medication. I have spoken with several people I know who are bipolar and or BPD to ask their views on medication. Some are on Meds. Some aren’t. I know it’s not for everyone going med free. Normally I cope but I have realised that the last 2 months have been the worst I have ever been or at least since 2012. I’m not sure how long this will go on for and I will keep trying to ride it out for as long as I can. It’s a rollover coaster but I a n adrenaline junky so I’m loving it as much as I hate it. It really is an amazing state if mind at times.
