I had anxiety before going to sleep again last night. It was very strange too because as I lay in bed going to sleep I had either fell straight asleep or had very deep strange thoughts. They dream/thoughts were that next week they will want to take blood and I won’t want it, so they were holding me down in a chair and forcibly taking blood from me. I was restrained by several people. It was shockingly horrible. Then I kind of woke and went into another one where they snatched me off a road and forced me into the side door of a van and I couldn’t fight them off. Strange indeed and pretty shocking.
My dreams last night were about my mum and about her last husband etc. Various scenarios. All very strange and not nice. I don’t feel like I slept very well but also now I’m awake don’t feel so bad. It is what it is.
I have been reading up again about bipolar and about type one and type two. I’m getting my head around things that have happened with me or to me and trying to work it all out again. It’s not easy to read or deal with but all of what’s there in the books is what has been going on. I guess some kind of diagnosis is needed and I guess it will help too. I’m now a bit more open minded about medication too but still unsure if I would want to take it because of the side effects that go with it. I need to be fully functioning for my job etc. Lots will need to be considered. I wish I could run away from it all.
