Ive realised I’m not as disciplined as I should be. I don’t meditate enough. I must meditate more to rid myself of the sheer sexual frustration I have. Loving in a sexless marriage isn’t easy and it’s not going to go away. I’m 46 and have realised I very soon need to make some serious decisions about my life. Can I survive the rest of it living in a sexless intimacy lacking marriage? Hmmm. My wife has told me she has zero interest in sex or intimacy and it won’t change. It’s a cruel twist of fate in life and one that I seriously struggle with. I feel selfish for thinking like this but how can, or should, one person decide what both people in a relationship will or will not do in that regard. I’m having to question how dead a relationship has to be for it to reach that level.
I think I need to meditate a lot more and need to bring much more discipline into my life again. Magick seems to be calling me again too. Maybe life is starting to show me a way forwards now. I must ponder on this all much more I think.