I’ve been up since just after 5 this morning. I’ve meditated a fair bit too. I’m certain that my life is a series of circles, I go around and around and around. I need to break that circle. I fear the uncertainty though. I guess I’ve built so many fears into my life, I think it’s time I faced them and moved forwards. I strive to be happy, but always feel that there’s something missing, not a physical object or possession but an inner something. Maybe it’s love. Maybe I need to be able to love myself. To be able to understand myself fully and not fear things. I always feel like I’m trying to escape something. Maybe that something is me, myself. I have to take full control of myself again, of my life. I feel like I’m selfish, but people don’t realise how much I put others first. I think I’ve hurt myself so that I protect others, but in so doing I actually hurt them too. If only I had all of the answers. I’ve read that it’s a fool who think he has all of the answers. Maybe I’m far from that fool as I have lots of questions. I know I need to love myself though. I hold myself in. I need.
