And so I’ve realised anxiety is back. It’s been back all of this week in hindsight and probably last week too, but I’ve been caught up in feeling a little ok, possibly slightly delusional too. I’ve been dreaming about people I know who are already dead. It happens at times and usually it’s October/November time that my dreams turn slightly darker in nature. Two nights ago I dreamt about my mum, my grandad and my stepdad who are all dead. It was my granddad funeral and my mum and stepdad were there, they died before he did, and he was laying on a trailer being towed behind a car. I went up to him and he was warm, he wasn’t dead. I then found myself with them in my grandad sold house and nobody else was there. Last night I dreamt about an old neighbour who is dead too. Like I said it’s not unusual to have dreams like this but I’m conscious that they may be triggers or may indicate my mood is shifting again. I’m certainly very tired at the moment and if I didn’t have to go to work I would go back to bed and shut the world out for a few hours or days. I’m not feeling depressed, but maybe I’m on the brink of it. I don’t know. Maybe once I get to work I’ll feel high. It’s happened before. I guess it’s kind of a nervous anxious energy I get, but it can be a dark energy with moodiness thrown in, kind of mixed episode. I’m going to have to keep a close eye on myself.
