It’s Friday once again. Hurray. I’ve had a good week. Today I’m starting to paint a house externally. I’m really looking forwards to it as painting is like a form of therapy for me. I’m feeling at my best still. I do however have a fear. That fear is what if I’m fooling myself and I’m delusional? Surely feeling good can’t be a delusion can it? I’ve been feeling very good for nearly 3 weeks now and I’m being pretty rational too which is very good for my bank!
Yesterday we went to look at a car and I know that had it of been 2 months ago I would of just bought it and convinced myself that it was perfect. Not yesterday though. Yesterday I was uncertain, in all of the right ways, and because I recognised that uncertainty I didn’t make any rash decisions. Luckily I didn’t be use in hindsight I would of put £2,000 on a credit card again. Hurray for feeling normal. Boo for feeling normal too in some ways though.
I’m kind of missing feeling high though. It’s not a huge miss but it’s still a miss. My circadian rhythms are very good once again. I’m waking up about 6am even though it’s dark, I normally struggle when it’s dark. Life has a beauty about it again but not a false high ‘I can do anything, I can be anything’ false beauty but real meaning. I’m finally understanding myself and my emotions and moods. Maybe I have cracked it and I’ll never have episodes again or maybe they’ll be much more gentle and controllable. I hope so.
