I’m really tired.  I’m looking forwards to a break from work soon. I’m not looking forwards to the usual Christmas stress though. Sometimes I wish it was all a bit easier. My concentration is down a little bit at the moment. I know it will come back though. Most things are pretty good though. I’m just tired. 

Yesterday and today we went to the City. It never ceases to amaze me how crazy and nuts people are especially when it comes to Christmas and Christmas shopping. They just seem to be buying stuff. Stuff that’s not needed and without much thought. Pure craziness. We live in a world that’s nuts, that’s on its head. Anyway Christmas is creeping upon us once again. A day. One day. At least most people start to be kinder for a while. I sound cynical. I’m not, I’m just saying what I see. Kindness is so important in the world we live in. We all need to care more for ourselves and for others. To be more open to helping other humans and animals and our home planet.  

 I’m tired and my concentration isn’t 100% today but that’s ok because I’m a bit tired.  Good news is my drumming is going well.  

I’m feeling good and it’s a good feeling. It’s funny how life can be sometimes. I find it hard to put things down in words sometimes, especially if I’m feeling good. Life seems to be just right at the moment. Balance is good. Long may it last.  I reading a couple of books by Tara Springett at the minute. One on manifesting and one on enlightenment through the kundalini. Both are very good and I highly recommend he writings. She has studied Tibetan Buddhism which is something that resonates with me.  I think in doing well because I’ve got some good focus and my holy guardian angel is guiding me well. 

I’ve been given some thoughts as to how the flow of our energy inside our bodies can affect our whole being. I know lots of people don’t believe in things like the meridians in our bodies that Chinese, and other systems like Ayurveda, work with. I personally do. I’ve felt them inside my own body. Well anyway it brings me to what I’ve been thinking about. If these energies are imbalanced or out of kilter it can create all kinds of things within our body from feelings like butterflies in the stomache to physical illness too, well I’m wondering about mental health too and possible things that could be seen to be an illness. I’m not saying to go against medical advice but I am questioning how modern medicine is divorced from seeing the whole body and mind as connected fully. They treat the effect but not the first cause. A body or mind out of balance can affect different parts physically and if the cause isn’t looked at then more illness can arise. It’s my view that the subtle energies in the body need to flow freely or they can cause issues. Lots of Chinese hospitals prescribe Chi Kung for what we would think very serious conditions.  They have very good success rates too. Plus Chi Kung settles the mind as well as balances the energies.  

  Anyway thats just some of the things I’ve been thinking about. I’ve thought it for years and worked with the energies for years too. 

Lucky me, I’ve finished work already. It’s nice to feel relaxed already and to be home. The days are so short at the moment but everything is very good at the minute. Life is good. It’s good to be good. I’m always concious of my moods and emotions though or how I can get caught up in things easily. At least I’m kind of on top of it at the minute. 

I’m starting to think it’s best to just keep working on myself, to forget about helping others for now, although I always seem to try doing that too. If the goal of enlightenment is to help humanity how can we help them? How is it best to help others? At times I think it’s best to just keep meditating and being the best I can be and take it from there. 

What is sanity?  Who is truly sane? What defines a mental illness? What defines normal thinking or thoughts? Where is the cut off point from sane to insane?

   I’m feeling exceptionally good after time out from the world. I’m pretty calm and collected. Things are good. Life is good. In fact life is beautiful. I’ve not been high for a while now, which is surprising and good, and I’m not missing it either to be truthful. I’m enjoying feeling good and feeling myself again. I’ve realised I should look at ways of helping others, although I’m sure the way will show itself to me. If like to help others and to maybe teach too. Life’s good. 

I’ve been back from the retreat for 2 days now and I’ve almost settled back into the insanity that we call normal reality. I don’t think I will ever be fully the same again because having time alone to reflect fully upon my life journey has changed me and how I see things. I’m always going to be who I am and that is something I’ve come to realise. However much I change I’m still me. I will always be me, always questioning myself and questioning life and it’s beauty.  

While there I kind of decided to fast for 24 hours and stay awake for 24 hours to prepare myself for contact with my Holy Guardian Angel. After contemplation though I realised it was just myself putting conditions upon myself. In the end I told the HGA that I was there and ready but needed to keep to my circadian rhythms, I guess I let go at that point to allow things to happen naturally. I ate that evening and went to bed as normal. It was the next morning after a ritual that it happened. I sat down, relaxed and used a Native American technique which involves controlled breathing and relaxed body and mind with focus. Then it naturally flowed with ease.

Having gained the knowledge and conversation with my Holy Guardian Angel is a truly remarkable thing but at the same time it’s just another step along my path. I had previously had this experiential happening about 14-15 years ago but didn’t fully understand how or why it had happened. This time I had put in several months of predatory ritual practice. After having attained it again I’m ready to move along more and further upon my path. Maybe I should become a teacher of life’s Mysteries. It was suggested to me on Friday that if make a good teacher or guide and a good counsellor by two separate people. Maybe I will. I’m certainly open to it far more than I’ve ever been before. I have helped a few people out with advice and counsel in the past. I could also help others to gain contact with their own HGA.  

I am feeling good. Life’s good. I got back from my retreat yesterday, which was really nice. Before I left I had a chat with the woman who owns it, she’s going through some personal difficulties at the moment, and she said I should become a spiritual teacher. That was very nice to hear and I was pleased I could help her and offer some words.  I achieved my goals or hopes on the retreat, but it took a little longer to unwind once there than I had thought it might, but that’s good. I also called in on a customer yesterday to look at some work and ended up sitting with her and chatting deeply too. Again it was nice to be able to help, she said I sounded like a counsellor. Maybe I could help others a little. Maybe my new understanding will help steer me onwards.    

It was interesting to note that I can relax fully and I can allow pure awareness to come through with my mind, it’s the minds natural state, and relax fully. On Thursday I even noticed how being so relaxed had affected my teeth too! They feel cleaner and smoother. When brushing them now they squeak.  I guess my new goals are to be more relaxed all of the time. It feels good to be relaxed. 

retreat day today. I’ll possibly not post while away