It would seem someone has it slightly in for me. I know who’s been stirring the pot with my ex wife, obviously I’ll not name who. I find it extremely sad that at their age they’ve not grown out of pushing their views or pushing others around verbally or passive aggressively and at times physically too. its sad that in all the years I have known them all they want to do is destroy and control others. Very sad. in the past they tried doing it with me too via psychological manipulation. I see through them fully now and quite honestly I pity them because now, like previously in their life, they are set to lose. Oh well. So be it.

I’ve been contemplating a few things the last week or so. Recently people have come into my life or left it. I’ve been questioning where I’m headed in life from here onwards too. People who I thought were family, by marriage, never really were it seems. It surprised me at first but knowing where others place us in life, or in their lives, has given me great insight for my future. Utter self reliance has to be the way forwards now. It’s made me stronger and has shown me to put more trust in myself and far far less in others. I’m pleased to have relearnt this and moving forwards it will serve me well.

Life is good and I’m making big future plans for once the dust settles. Life changing plans. I guess I have already started!

Im once again contemplating my life where is it headed. It often seems like it a circle within a circle. I have contemplated many thing the last few days. Ive had a few days off work due to Covid. I’m now considering even less time on social media. I only use Twitter now and think I ought to be on there much less too. The last month is taking its toll on me. So many things in the last few weeks make no sense to me at all. I really do need to digest it all.

In other news I now have just over 64k subscribers. Which is mind boggling to me. I honestly dont know how or why. Thanks.

edit: Over the last couple of weeks I had considered suicide briefly/fleetingly. I’d guess its was fleeting ideation rather than looking to physically do it. Life can be a right cunt thats for sure. Yet while these fleeting thoughts flew through my mind I have also felt a huge drive in myself snd my life again too.

Wow this year is flying by. So much in my life has changed this year and in the last few weeks. My wife and I are now separated and theres lots of other things changing too. Amazingly I now have just short of 64k subscribers reading the madness that i write about my life and it might end up madder still at this rate! I’m yet again focusing on work and also on self as I have neglected this a lot. I have been getting on top of pricing and my VAT recently. I have to catch up on making out bills too, which I intend doing today as I’m off work with Covid.

Even though I have had a couple of weeks of stress and at times had a crazy mind, I have coped. I have coped because I have been listening to Unminding. I know I have mentioned them several times already but I really do urge you all to take a listen to this podcast. They have quite literally helped to change how I look at mental health, both my own and as a whole. Molls has a way of explaining things that I’ve not heard anywhere else and Gem, her cohost, has a way of warming things up and adding her personal experiences which make it very ko relatable. It works so well and I honestly feel at peace with myself after listening. My life in the last couple of weeks were enough to push me over the edge, but using what I’d taken from unminding and questioning my own thoughts saved me. In the past the level of overthinking and mild psychosis, mild for me, that I was going through could have meant a call to get referred back under the MH team but not this time. I know it sounds weird to say but I found I could question my overthinking, whilst in a state of overthinking, but somehow it is possible. We have to stop believing everything we think. I don’t think I’m explaining it as well as Molls does. Maybe go have a listen to their podcast and see for yourself. I’m now almost med free for 3 weeks, which I don’t recommend for anyone else, this was a decision I didn’t take lightly and it was brought up with my GP at a recent health review. I honestly think I can stick with this for now as I have better coping methods in part thanks to Unminding as well as meditating more again. Seriously do go take a look and a listen. I might even work with Molls (Samantha Hurst) 1 to 1 soon.

A couple of weeks back i did some healing on someone. As i initially started at their neck i got a huge ”download” of what theyve been through in life and the trauma they’ve experienced. What really struck me was the pain they carry hidden, very possibly compartmentalised. The people that were involved with this were into the occult. I knew that by doing the healing session it would very possibly make them aware of me. I was quite correct too. I have been under psychic/occult attack since then but its only just fully dawned on me. Now I know what I’m dealing with I can move forwards. Its interesting to note the physical ailments attached to the attack too. I think the biggest surprise for me is that I am once again drawn into the occult/esoteric world. It’s been a double or triple prong attack too. I guess because I’ve remained hidden for several years I had forgotten how swift these things can be. High time for some ritual protection again. I’m hoping that the person i did healing on isn’t feeling too much themselves as iI was trying to draw the attacks away from them. Hopefully they are.

I highly recommend that any of you who are on Twitter take a look at this page and give it a follow.

https://twitter.com/Unminding_?s=20&t=Q_XUXe5CkfB-vJtOYpmn9w

Is it time to go and find the great unknown now?

I am tired. It’s put me to the edge of my reality or perhaps I’m rediscovering my true reality. I have taken a pill tonight since getting in from work as my mind has felt edgy and jaded. Sleep will hell no doubt so I will sleep soon. The last few days have been pretty strange. I have decided my life has to change snd have set about doing so. It’s a tough call too. Not easy. It’s done though. I would imagine this has added to my inner seeking mind state. Couple that with being much more in tune with my magickal mind again. The path chose me and I chose the path again. It’s time to walk it to the destinations. Clarity is always sought on this path to enlightenment but clarity isn’t always there.  I will help others with their path though. It’s the way to learning oneself too. Student becomes teacher becomes student. The circle continues. We are the same person. 

I’ve been away for a few days since Thursday last week until last night. I forgot to take the meds with me so have been mrs free all that time. I’m not going back now either. My thinking is so much clearer and my abilities are returning. They’d dulled me too much. I’m more in tune with my psychic abilities again and actually feel much more alive too. There’s some life changes coming, there always are, but I’ll face them properly and not hide from them now. My life is mine to be lived not to be subdued. I’m seeing things clearer now. 

I’ve mentioned Molls and Gem at The Unminding Project a couple of times before but just thought I’d bring them up again. Listening to their podcast and talking to them has helped me quite a bit. I cannot recommend listening to their podcast enough. It’s full of enlightening content and fun to listen to with great banter.  I know that they have big things coming their way but I also know they could do with help with donations or sponsorship. If anyone reading this can help them even with a small donation I know it will be used very very well. They really are lovely people.  If you give them a listen let them know I sent you from here. www.theunmindingproject.com

Friends make a huge difference. Life is good. Sometimes we just have to step back and take a deep breath and chill the fuck out.