I’m feeling what I class as normal now and to be honest it’s pretty boring. It’s good, but boring. Maybe I’ve yoyo’d so much lately that I can’t appreciate normal thinking fully at the minute. It does have a good purpose though and it helps me function pretty well, which I need what with running my own business. I guess it’ll do for now.
Maybe I’m starting to settle a bit again now I’m exercising regularly and doing daily qigong and meditations again. I guess I need routine far more than I’ve ever realised, well at least since living with my wife who doesn’t like to stick rigidly to routine! Before I used to bodybuild so I kept to a very strict diet and exercise schedule. I was extremely strict about what I ate and when I ate it.
Life is good and I love my life most of the time. Like I said above right now I feel pretty normal which although dull it doesn’t feel like it will hurt me. Last week I has a few moments of suicidal thoughts and feelings. When I drop right off I get very low very fast. Although I get low enough to feel suicidal my inner voice creeps in, a bit of cbt training, and reminds me that it will all be ok. In fact my inner voice has helped me out like that through some very dark tough times. Long may it continue doing so.
