Ok so some thoughts. Life is fucking short so make the most of it as much as possible. Take out enough life insurance to cover your bloody funeral and other outgoings. In fact cover your arse really well with insurance. Haha I’ve just realised that the last one could almost contradict the first. Ok so insure yourself well enough but fucking live too. Stop buying so much crap. You don’t need it. It’s all just clutter. De clutter your lives and your mind. Never be afraid to show your emotions. I hide mine far too much. It kills me inside. I well up inside but outside I look normal. I’m almost breaking and you’d never notice. Maybe I’m breaking right now. Maybe I’m at the start of a breakdown but can’t tell just yet. It could just be grief but my head is fucked up lately. Very fucked up. I’ve been thinking about hurting people or murderous thoughts lately. I’ve had paranoia too. I’ve had thoughts that the hospital killed my dad off and that they do away with people to keep numbers down. I’ve thought that that’s why they admitted him to hospital, so they could finish him off as soon as possible. Ok, we are all just walking meat and are really no different from any other animal. I know we think we are but truthfully we aren’t. We are just a bunch of chemicals reacting inside an organic bunch of cells all slapped together. Life isn’t even real. It’s just a figment of imagination. My imagination. My imagination is a figment of my imagination too. I’m a self created myth. I’m only real while I think I am and even those thoughts are lies. Regardless I intend to try to enjoy this thing called life. I have to because the other option is to check out. To cash my chips in and see what’s on the other side fully. To go into the bardo state of death. To enter the nether realms. To exist in non existence. Anyway non of it is real.
