It will soon bemonday and I’m not sure if that will bring a type of relief or if it will bring even more questions than answers. I guess it will be what it will be.
Last night before bed I had some anxiety, not lots but some. Ask layin bed to go to sleep I mentally went back, maybe it was a flashback, to the last week my dad was alive. I’m not sure why it happened but it did. Maybe I’m looking for answers. I don’t know, but then I don’t know much anymore. That’s life or at least my life. I had quite vivid dreams last night, mostly about work and about customers bringing other trades people onto my jobs.
Yesterday daytime my moods didn’t shift quite as much, maybe up to 8 times but most of the day they were kind of settled at high until I crashed mid afternoon. I finished work about 4pm and came home and took my son to a toy shop ask had said I might. Before we went out I had a double shot coffee to try to level me out. When we got home a short while later I went to bed to sleep for an hour or so. I had hoped the coffee would keep me awake a little so I could try to get back to clean sleeping instead of late afternoon/early evening sleep. It didn’t work. The coffee didn’t make me stay awake early on. I did make myself turn the light off at 11pm and go to sleep. I hope I’m levelling a little. This morning I still feel way outside of myself but not as wired as I could and I’m not anxious. I’m not bouncing off the walls either so maybe I’m level. Maybe I’m not. I’ve no idea. It is what it is and I’m just going with the flow.
