Last night was another night of very vivid dreams. I’ve had several lately. Mostly they’re about my parents. Last nights was no exception as it was about my dads funeral. It was a fictional dream but involved me not being allowed to organise his funeral and not being allowed to be part of it. It had been organised by local GP’s. I confronted them at the wake. I made a huge effort to find out what had gone on and why and found one of the doctors, tripped him up backwards, put a towel over his face and smashed his nose and face in with punches. I had argued with them and knew they were trying to force me to get aggressive so that they could say I was mentally unstable. They wanted me to look a fool and wanted to feel superior to me. I knew that I’m more intelligent than them but it was the usual case of when someone is less intelligent and think that they’re clever they fool themselves and create false scenarios and so on so that they have a marker or reference point to be able to say that they’re better or cleverer. Almost like a form of cognitive dissonance about their own intelligence instead of a belief about an external thing. I guess it is just that actually. Also I had some strange dreams about my children and some other children. Somehow I was trying to keep them safe and there was something one of them wanted to gland do latest night but I was so tired.
It’s extremely windy here this morning and it’s like autumn rather than late spring. It’s strange as it soften Autumn I have dreams like these. I know I’m only days away from the second anniversary of my fathers death and I know that it is and will affect me. Saturday I was hypomanic for half of the day. I’ve seen a few maters and signs too. My sleep is compressed and I have energy again after a week or two of it tailing off. Circles and cycles seem unbreakable at times. It’s endless. I need to get away.
