Monday night I had a drink. I had half a bottle of wine. I knew it would probably affect me and it really did. Yesterday I felt shit. Really shit. Depressed and everything felt like it would build up. I used some things I’ve learnt from mediation, my past and stoicism. I questioned the feelings. I used logic and realised that I felt like it due to alcohol and had to reside it out. It tired me out too and today I only worked about half a day or just over. It’s been wet here so the timing was good. I had a nap early aft on and hopefully I’m getting back to myself and feeling good and level.
Something that yesterday brought up was a strange feeling about bipolar episodes and how I’ve kind of missed them. Not in a good way but like when you’ve had hiccups and then they’re gone. You’re glad they’ve gone but there’s something missing. Something you’ve become used to and expected. I don’t want to have an episode but having been level for quite some time it does feel strange not to have one or be in one. It’s bloody good though!
I’m making some plans and some changes in life. Work is as secure as it can be when running a business. Lots of work is coming in. The money side of things is starting to get better too and I will build on that and not be complacent. It is all getting back to where I was in late 2011. Things were really good then. My food growing has been very grounding and it’s becoming a part of what I do in life. Already the large freezer is almost full and we are now getting towards the bigger harvests. We’re becoming quite used to eating good fresh vegetables now too. I don’t know when we did last buy any veg. We still have second early potatoes in the ground and then lots of main crop to harvest. So much more growing and I’m giving some away too. We have lots of fruit growing nicely too. It’s all good.
