Today I haven’t worked as I’ve been unwell with an upset stomach. I was awake half of last night with it and going to the toilet. It’s shocking how it’s affected my mood and my mindset briefly. My mood has certainly dipped. A few things have been on my mind lately. I’m trying to rebuild my business since I lost the plot in 2012 and until the last few months it’s felt futile. I can now see an end to the harder times and see a way forwards but I’m being cautious. I’ve seen things that I want to buy, thought about things I want to do and have been able to stop myself so far. It feels strange and good in some ways because I’ve seriously lacked that self control for several years. Even last year I’d of spent out on the things even with not having the money. This year I’m fighting it and not giving in just yet. I’m living to a rule of going a week or more before deciding to buy or do anything. It gives my brain time to digest things. Time to analyse things too. I’m trying to break lots of cycles and if I can keep on track then I’ve hopefully broken cycles that may well be a couple of decades old at least. It’s hard and it’s tricky to keep my self belief right now but I’m trying to keep the focus and to ride out blips and things that don’t go to plan as such. It’s a very strange thing to be levelish.
