I’m feeling very aware of myself and my thoughts at the moment. I’ve had a bit of yoyoing with my moods over the last few days. I thought that I was getting some grip on it all but I had a slight moment of paranoia yesterday evening. I went outside and exercised and that helped me to deal with it mostly. It’s quite strange being aware of these feelings now instead of just feeling them. When I used to just feel them they were real feelings, but now when I feel them I have to question myself as to their validity and if they’re real feeling that are justified or if its just me tying myself in knots. It’s not easy having to question your feelings. That in itself can make one feel a bit strange or could make one feel paranoid. Bloody tricky!
I guess the more aware I am of it all the more progress I can make. I just wish more people understood me and my thinking. Maybe I’m asking too much. Sometimes I think people make too much out of what I say and at other times they don’t make enough of what I say. I guess people craze me at times. I was surprised at how I coped being on my own on retreat. Maybe it’s time to book another retreat.
I guess I better start to face the day ahead.
