It’s funny how we always come back to feelings, rather than logic. I often write about how I feel or have felt. This morning I’ve had a few doubts creep in to my mind about working out. I’m concerned that it might spread to other thoughts or thinking. I’ve been reading up lots on various forms of working out and I know logically that I’m right and my decision to train how I do is right, but the other part of me seems to be struggling with logic, I guess I’m trying to trip myself up, but this time I won’t allow it. I’m going to be selfish and stubborn and stick to what I know is right. It’s not easy though. I guess working out and this internal dialogue and struggle are a smaller part of all of my inner dialogue and struggles. Maybe it’s a smaller battle but its one way to reset myself from downward spirals. I guess knowing I’m right is good enough. I just need to be patient and chart all progress with mind and body.
I’m enjoying the feeling of myself growing again in all respects. I don’t like being stagnant. I’m enjoying the process, the philosophy and the results. I’m still feeling pretty good although I had a couple of moments the last few days, but I caught them quickly because I’d noticed the triggers or warnings. Yesterday I actually managed to let go of something, I don’t know what, but my children got me on a trampoline and I loved it. I’d not been on one with them before and I felt some kind of release, some kind of pure joy.
I guess it’s not easy when I have to be my own driving force. No one else will encourage me other than myself. I guess I feel at times that I’m half mocked, I’m sure I’m not but that’s how it feels. Back to ‘feelings’ again! Anyway encouragement would be nice. Maybe we should all help and encourage others to strive to be their best, to try to better themselves, to also create a better environment, a better place and world for all of us. To have more of an Objectivist approach rather than be Machiavellian. Why live in a world of belittling others when we could raise everyone to their own best person rather than keep them down. I’m not talking about a false utopian world, but a real world where man only wants to work or compete etc with the best competition or rivals, to have the best people around them both in work life and home life. No more belittling others.
