it’s autumnal outside today. It was yesterday too. I fear the feelings that might arise even more within me. Yesterday some of my feelings dropped off. I thought if autumn and it’s beauty but also how it signifies the death of the year. I guess autumn and death are significant for me since my stepdad died in early November years ago. My taste in music changes too. What will autumn bring for me this year ? I love the sunsets that happen here in north Norfolk late in the year. The feelings of death need to be looked at differently though. I don’t want to tail off again. I don’t want to loose where I’m at. Feeling like this is like standing above a precipice ready to cross the abyss. I’ve crossed the abyss before and entered the realm of darkness. It’s neither good not bad. It just is.
I’ve read that all awakened beings feel the pain of the world and get the highs and lows. Maybe it’s true. I certainly understand that. I can rise so high yet be in the deepest places all at the same time. I guess in all honesty it’s an amazing feeling, a blessing and a curse all at once. I know I’m very highly tuned again and I’m enjoying these feelings and this level of consciousness. Maybe others will think I’m crazy. I don’t mind. I need to be myself fully. I’ll open up fully and be my highest self.
