I woke up earlier this morning from dreaming with slight anxiety. I used a breathing technique to calm myself a little. I’m anxious because I want to get finished for Christmas but still have work to do. I thought it’d be an easy lead up to christmasthis year too! Oh well all I can do is all I can do.  I’ll try getting one job finished today with only a small job to do tomorrow. I also need to arrange for some help after Christmas. 

I’ve realised I’ve not posted every day for a little while. I must make a point of doing it because I don’t want this to be another thing that falls by the wayside. It’s not always easy thought, keeping on top of things. I’m struggling mentally at the moment with work. I had hoped to finish for Christmas on Friday but I worked almost 6 hours yesterday and will work tomorrow and probably most of Tuesday. I’m feeling a bit burnt out and I fear being to tired over the holidays. We have Christmas day here, Boxing Day at my mother in laws then on the Saturday we go to London for a few days. I must relax and I must get on top of my sleep and my circadian rhythms again. Being tired is REALLY affecting me and I’m getting a head cold. Oh well. 

Last night I was reading a book about enlightenment through kundalini by Tara Springett, I’m really enjoying her books, and I entered a kind of trance/dream state. I was being given teachings and initiations by a Tibetan lama. I dreamt I was shown breathing techniques too and I was in Tibet in the Himalayas. A friend has told me about Tibetan dream yoga tonight and it makes sense. I’ve found some pdf books about dream yoga to read along with all of my others books!    I’m feeling pretty good in myself and I’m quite impressed with how I had a realisation this afternoon at work. I was tired and had decided to work late but changed my mind and left work at a normal time. A year or two ago I would of bought chocolate, energy drinks and sweets to prop me up and would of carried on. Then after a few days of doing that I’d crash and feel tired and grumpy if not ill.  Anyway I realised I should go home and not work late. I’m going to have to work Saturday anyway regardless so I might as well be feeling pretty ok and ready to unwind before Christmas duties.  I’m looking forwards to some time off work and also going to stay at my step daughters in London after Boxing Day. 

Today has been a busy, good, productive day. I’ve tried to remain reasonably present but not always. I need to relax a little more too when at work, although I’ve not hurried either so it’s all good. Work is enjoyable at the minute. Most things are to be honest.  I’m punishing myself far far less too. It’s almost nonexistent. 

 I tried to practice a new piece of drumming tonight and managed half of it. It is pretty tricky to me at the minute but I’ve only had 5 lessons so far. I’m learning  16 th’s.    

I’m doing breathing exercises in the morning along with preliminary Tummo practice too. I’m not doing the twice daily rituals like I was before going on retreat. I do feel however that the rituals helped balance me. I think I’ll start doing the kabbalistic cross and lesser banishing ritual of the pentagram again from tomorrow morning. 

I’m really tired.  I’m looking forwards to a break from work soon. I’m not looking forwards to the usual Christmas stress though. Sometimes I wish it was all a bit easier. My concentration is down a little bit at the moment. I know it will come back though. Most things are pretty good though. I’m just tired. 

Yesterday and today we went to the City. It never ceases to amaze me how crazy and nuts people are especially when it comes to Christmas and Christmas shopping. They just seem to be buying stuff. Stuff that’s not needed and without much thought. Pure craziness. We live in a world that’s nuts, that’s on its head. Anyway Christmas is creeping upon us once again. A day. One day. At least most people start to be kinder for a while. I sound cynical. I’m not, I’m just saying what I see. Kindness is so important in the world we live in. We all need to care more for ourselves and for others. To be more open to helping other humans and animals and our home planet.  

 I’m tired and my concentration isn’t 100% today but that’s ok because I’m a bit tired.  Good news is my drumming is going well.  

I’m feeling good and it’s a good feeling. It’s funny how life can be sometimes. I find it hard to put things down in words sometimes, especially if I’m feeling good. Life seems to be just right at the moment. Balance is good. Long may it last.  I reading a couple of books by Tara Springett at the minute. One on manifesting and one on enlightenment through the kundalini. Both are very good and I highly recommend he writings. She has studied Tibetan Buddhism which is something that resonates with me.  I think in doing well because I’ve got some good focus and my holy guardian angel is guiding me well. 

I’ve been given some thoughts as to how the flow of our energy inside our bodies can affect our whole being. I know lots of people don’t believe in things like the meridians in our bodies that Chinese, and other systems like Ayurveda, work with. I personally do. I’ve felt them inside my own body. Well anyway it brings me to what I’ve been thinking about. If these energies are imbalanced or out of kilter it can create all kinds of things within our body from feelings like butterflies in the stomache to physical illness too, well I’m wondering about mental health too and possible things that could be seen to be an illness. I’m not saying to go against medical advice but I am questioning how modern medicine is divorced from seeing the whole body and mind as connected fully. They treat the effect but not the first cause. A body or mind out of balance can affect different parts physically and if the cause isn’t looked at then more illness can arise. It’s my view that the subtle energies in the body need to flow freely or they can cause issues. Lots of Chinese hospitals prescribe Chi Kung for what we would think very serious conditions.  They have very good success rates too. Plus Chi Kung settles the mind as well as balances the energies.  

  Anyway thats just some of the things I’ve been thinking about. I’ve thought it for years and worked with the energies for years too. 

Lucky me, I’ve finished work already. It’s nice to feel relaxed already and to be home. The days are so short at the moment but everything is very good at the minute. Life is good. It’s good to be good. I’m always concious of my moods and emotions though or how I can get caught up in things easily. At least I’m kind of on top of it at the minute. 

I’m starting to think it’s best to just keep working on myself, to forget about helping others for now, although I always seem to try doing that too. If the goal of enlightenment is to help humanity how can we help them? How is it best to help others? At times I think it’s best to just keep meditating and being the best I can be and take it from there.