I’ve finished early today and that feels good.  Work was good today too. I’m feeling pretty good. Almost awesome. I’m trying to be the best I can be right now and it’s not always easy. It’s easier than it was because years ago I sought absolute perfection and when I failed I beat myself up lots over it. The taller I built the tower of myself the further it was to fall. Being the best I can be is pretty good because I know myself pretty fully now. I know I have so called weakness’ and that’s ok. Life’s ok with it and so am I. I’m very ok with being me. I’m awesome. 

I’ve not posted earlier today because things are busy. Life is busy. Things are good. Life is good.  Sometimes we either loose focus or we focus on the wrong things. Often we don’t realise that things can change. Perspectives can change too. Life is a beautiful, rich gift. I love being alive and love all of the seasons, I love the different phases of my life too.  I am that I am.  

the last few days I’ve been very etheric. I didn’t blog yesterday because I was “out there” quite away. Life is very good at the moment. I’m riding the crest of a wave. A wave that is beautiful. I’m very possibly pretty ‘high’.  Sunday night I felt like I was drunk and or high. I was so far out there. It was very strange but also quite good too. I’m not sure there’s much more to say. Rituals are still ongoing and going very well. 

Its Monday morning already again. I’m Tired but very wired. I went to bed just after 10:30pm but didn’t sleep until after 1am and was awake before 5:30am. Not good. I’m not sure if I’m anxious or just wired. I’ve a busy day ahead. Maybe I’m just wired. My ears are ringing. Who knows what’s in store for me today.  I’ve actually just come over very serene. I’m a bit all over the place these last few days. I should write a list of things I need to do today. 

It’s Sunday. I didn’t sleep very well last night. I woke from 2:20am onwards. The kids are tricky too. 

It’s Saturday morning and I’m wondering if I should go to work or not as it might rain very soon. I don’t mind the rain but what I have to do is outside and the rain will cause issues with what I have to do. I don’t want to get behind at work though. It’s a tough one. If I rest I will have more get up and go next week. I’m feeling pretty good in myself and things are pretty good in life. It’s tough not being 100% about what to do though. I’ll give it a little while and see. If it doesn’t rain I’ll feel silly. 

I woke up early yet again. I went to bed at least half an hour later too. My wife asked me if it was an orange flag moment last night too. I’m not so sure but my ears are still ringing, although I may know why, and I’m a little anxious this morning but not the normal anxiousness.  I guess I’ll see. Lots to do today. I might have a coffee to try to balance me out. It’s funny how it can do that. I’ve also just realised that my throat is feeling sore, another sign. At least I’m very aware of it all. Last night I played lots of music. That can be a sign but I’m pretty sure it wasn’t last night. I was just enjoying being able to have music on. 

It’s Thursday already. This has been a busy week so far. I’ve still got lots I’d like to do too. I may work some of Saturday. I’ve realised how much what others say to me affects me and can continue to do so until register that it’s eating at me. Last night my wife had had a bottle of wine and then was quite angry or passive aggressive towards me briefly. I waited and then went and apologised to her for anything I may have done to upset her, something that can happen. When she explained her anger I was surprised.  Anyway I found that it was eating away at me this morning and was playing on my mind when I was in ritual. It took a while until I realised that it was me carrying this inside and letting it eat away at me. As I write this I sense de ja vu.  It’s good when I can realise that things can eat at me. Things my wife says to me especially so. I’ve often wondered if she does it on purpose. Then I realise that it’s not so, or at least it better not be.  

I guess life has it’s ups and downs and once again I’m feeling a bit tired in all respects. A life of solitude seems most appealing.  A life of no work. A life of not being so tired. A life where I have more time for my family and myself where we can live much more healthily.  A relaxed life. Maybe even a life where I don’t interact so much with others if only for the winter. 

The last two mornings I’ve woken early, much earlier than normal. I’ve woken a few times in the night and probably woke fully am before 5:30am this morning. I’m ok but I’m getting tired earlier during the day. I’m not sure if it’s the time of year or if it’s a change of mood. The more I look into these things the more questions it raises. It might even be due to the rituals that I’m carrying out. Either way I’m going to have to keep to regular sleep patterns more than ever. I’m also going to try keeping to my daily diary again too. The one where I log all moods and meal times and sleep etc. I’ve not written in it for a long while. If it’s dry tonight I’ll do a workout too. 

I’ve woken up this morning very slightly anxious. I’ve been unsure about the weather so maybe it’s that. It’s supposed to get out today and be dry. I hope so. I think I’m finally starting to overcome a few things too. My ears are still ringing and have been for over 2 weeks now. It’s been a while since I’ve felt any anxiety. Maybe this is brought on by the weather throwing my work a little even though I can get on elsewhere. I guess I need to erasure myself that it’s just building a picture on the greater whole.  

I’ve done my morning ritual too.