It’s a lovely clear start to the day here. A beautiful autumn day. I’m feeling good. Life’s good. I’m finding a nice balance to things. Long may it last. Life is precious and special yet at the same time it’s just life. Life goes on regardless. Quite often we forget about our divine nature. We have divinity within us. We are divine beings. The universe is an amazing place. Everything came from nothing.  That’s hard to get my head around. If it all started with a Big Bang then what created or caused the Big Bang and where did the start start from? Big questions. But where or what?  I’m ready for my retreat now. I’m ready to ponder upon creation and the creative forces. 

It’s Monday morning and we are back to GMT. The mornings are a little lighter right now and this morning my wife’s alarm went off at quarter to six not quater to seven because she hadn’t changed the time on her phone. We are now headed for winter but it’s still mildly warm outside this morning. I’ve found that it’s after the winter solstice that the days get colder as they get longer.   My moods can fluctuate a bit in late January into February.  I’ve always said that the tax office plays a sick joke by making the end of January tax payment time and early February VAT payment time just after the jovialness of Christmas and its Bachinalian/saturnalia celebrations and feasts. Ah oh well the old ways continue.  

 I’ve realised that we, as a species are still infants coming out of the caves. We are like ants. We are souls inside human bodies but get lost often in the confusion of life and we’ve made it so complicated and so competitive that its actually a farce or certainly farcical. Still I can’t complain because there is real beauty in our world too. Lots of beauty. 

I’ve had a Sunday at home and not been anywhere at all. I’m very surprised. I’m feeling quite relaxed even though my daughter is shouting at me following her and her mum arguing. She came up to ask me to play a game with her, I’m upstairs meditating, well trying too, and have been disturbed.  It was my turn for lay in but I got up early with the children as I wanted to do a ritual but didn’t manage a snooze either today. My wife got up about 9:30.  It was too late for me to go back up for a snooze. So now I’ve come up for arrest and to meditate she and my daughter argued. Theresa pattern there. I’ve seen it before. Oh well such is life. I just hope I’m not too tired tomorrow. 

I’ve finished early today and that feels good.  Work was good today too. I’m feeling pretty good. Almost awesome. I’m trying to be the best I can be right now and it’s not always easy. It’s easier than it was because years ago I sought absolute perfection and when I failed I beat myself up lots over it. The taller I built the tower of myself the further it was to fall. Being the best I can be is pretty good because I know myself pretty fully now. I know I have so called weakness’ and that’s ok. Life’s ok with it and so am I. I’m very ok with being me. I’m awesome. 

I’ve not posted earlier today because things are busy. Life is busy. Things are good. Life is good.  Sometimes we either loose focus or we focus on the wrong things. Often we don’t realise that things can change. Perspectives can change too. Life is a beautiful, rich gift. I love being alive and love all of the seasons, I love the different phases of my life too.  I am that I am.  

the last few days I’ve been very etheric. I didn’t blog yesterday because I was “out there” quite away. Life is very good at the moment. I’m riding the crest of a wave. A wave that is beautiful. I’m very possibly pretty ‘high’.  Sunday night I felt like I was drunk and or high. I was so far out there. It was very strange but also quite good too. I’m not sure there’s much more to say. Rituals are still ongoing and going very well. 

Its Monday morning already again. I’m Tired but very wired. I went to bed just after 10:30pm but didn’t sleep until after 1am and was awake before 5:30am. Not good. I’m not sure if I’m anxious or just wired. I’ve a busy day ahead. Maybe I’m just wired. My ears are ringing. Who knows what’s in store for me today.  I’ve actually just come over very serene. I’m a bit all over the place these last few days. I should write a list of things I need to do today. 

It’s Sunday. I didn’t sleep very well last night. I woke from 2:20am onwards. The kids are tricky too. 

It’s Saturday morning and I’m wondering if I should go to work or not as it might rain very soon. I don’t mind the rain but what I have to do is outside and the rain will cause issues with what I have to do. I don’t want to get behind at work though. It’s a tough one. If I rest I will have more get up and go next week. I’m feeling pretty good in myself and things are pretty good in life. It’s tough not being 100% about what to do though. I’ll give it a little while and see. If it doesn’t rain I’ll feel silly. 

I woke up early yet again. I went to bed at least half an hour later too. My wife asked me if it was an orange flag moment last night too. I’m not so sure but my ears are still ringing, although I may know why, and I’m a little anxious this morning but not the normal anxiousness.  I guess I’ll see. Lots to do today. I might have a coffee to try to balance me out. It’s funny how it can do that. I’ve also just realised that my throat is feeling sore, another sign. At least I’m very aware of it all. Last night I played lots of music. That can be a sign but I’m pretty sure it wasn’t last night. I was just enjoying being able to have music on.