It’s Tuesday once again, the day of Mars. I find it funny and amazing how days are still known by planets or pagan gods. Festivals are a mish mash too. Easter is decided by the spring equinox and full moon. How amazing the world is. We still think very strangely too for such a modern so called advanced civilisation. We have invented countless new ways to kill people. Most breakthroughs in surgery and medicine come from war too. I wonder how far we could go if we decided to be peaceful and decided money didn’t matter. Money isn’t real anyway. It’s still only a tool for bartering. All false values too. Oh well.
This morning I’m feeling pretty good. It looks like being a nice day again. I’ve lots to achieve and get done. Work is busy and my mind is behaving itself, apart from a very small blip yesterday. Life is good.
Today I started an email to an administrator of a forum that I was removed from but allowed back into. I didn’t go back on even though I am allowed to. I thought it best to straighten myself out first. I certainly am in a very good place, and in part that’s why I deleted the email before sending it. I’m giving serious thoughts as to if I should go back on just yet or not. I could go back on to be a positive model for others and to help them if I can. I’m Conscious of the fact that it might be a trigger I guess. I’m also aware that I have an addictive side to myself. That’s why I deleted facebook. I’ve not deleted Twitter though and I manage to steal clear of that pretty much all of the time. It’s funny really because the forum is anonymous but I do like the people on there. Mostly they’re very kind souls. It’s got me pretty torn to be honest. I’m a strong believer in helping others, but also first and foremost helping myself. I guess I can always ask to be removed for a while if I get caught up in it, or is it best to steer clear….
I’m also in a period of very deep introspection and I honestly think I’ve come a very long way. I need to keep going forwards with my works. It’s moving along very well and I don’t need distractions. The introspection is brought about by and is part of my ritual angelic workings.
I’ve woken up this morning with back ache. I think I slept in a funny position. I know my dreams have been pretty vivid lately. Last night was no exception either. I often have vivid dreams this time of the year plus my rituals are taking me back through my life deeply. It’s almost like therapy only deeper and much more personal. Maybe I’m my own therapist. I’m retreating deeper and further into myself. I hope that I come out of the other side better for it. Hope is the wrong word really. I guess I’ve entered a period of deep introspection. All will be well afterwards.
I’ve been thinking about going back onto a forum I was on but so far I’ve steered clear. I did tweet about 3 tweets last night so will now once again avoid Twitter too. Introspection is the order of the day for me.
I often wonder about reality. About my own reality and about how others perceive reality. I guess I’ll only ever know my own. It’s funny how I think reality is or how it’s made into being. We externalise everything but everything for each individual one of us is solely internal. What we touch, taste, feel, hear and smell are all processed internally. All of our senses are ‘in our heads’. Our reality is in our heads too. Maybe there really is no external. No outside. It’s said that our lives are a form of suffering. Maybe it’s down to our own reality and how we punish ourselves. Maybe we can and should bless ourselves and our lives. Life is a gift. I’m not sure where from but a gift nonetheless. Thinking differently about things or having a different view of reality is also a gift. I guess it can be seen as a curse by some too. If we look at it from a perspective of Western thinking then it’s seen as illness but from other perspectives it’s seen as a blessing. Shaman are different. Their thinking or their reality could be taken as wrong or from mental health issues. Maybe it’s time we looked at things from a different perspective instead of saying it’s an illness. Maybe there’s something deeper down that’s a cause or even a cure, not that I personaly feel I need to be ‘cured’ of anything. Lots to ponder on. As always. Such is life.
Autumn is here and it is beautiful. The colours are so vibrant this year and it’s still very mild. I’m feeling great and alive and all is well. I’m continuing with my rituals and all is good. Life is good. I love life.
All is well. The world is real and unreal. How do we know that anything is real or true? In fact how do we define reality? What makes one thing more real than another? One may say that if you can touch it then it’s real, but if all of the ‘nothing’ is taken out of a ‘something’ then there’s barely anything left or maybe nothing to see. So what is real? Are thoughts real? What about if we think something and it turns out to be wrong or even paranoia? Does that make it not real, a fallacy? Is that thought unreal? What about if we have a thought and it become a ‘physical reality’ ? Is it real because of the physicality of its manifestation? At what point does it become ‘real’.
I’ve been thinking I’m pretty level of late but im never fully sure. Reality to me is hard to work out now. At times the smallest situation can confuse me. Last night I sat at the dinner table with my wife, she had had a few glasses of wine, and we were talking about the news yesterday that 3,000 kids have gone missing in the first 9 months of this year in Greater Manchester. It felt to me like she was actually mocking me and goading me into a situation where it could end with an argument or disagreement. She kind of brought some stuff up that I used to go on about last year. Conspiracy type stuff. I know some of it is actually true, but last year I was pretty caught up in it too much and probably pretty delusional. The last thing I want or need is to be goaded about it or by it. That’s how it felt. I’m sure she won’t remember it today though. I know a couple of weeks back we all watched a second part of a documentary when she had drank a bottle of wine and the next day she suggested we watch the second part completely unaware that we had watched it. Anyway I don’t need to feel mocked, that’s just passive aggressive. Unless I read it wrong but last night and today I’m sure I read it correctly.
So what is the ‘meaning’ of life? Is there a meaning other than just living. How vast is the universe really? Does it only expand when we can see more? Like we create it’s reality. Like we create our own reality. Is reality really real?
I dreamt a rather strange dream last night. We were in my father in laws car and he went straight into a field and carried on and then further still. There was snow and it was night time. More to it than that but it was strange. Sometimes my dreams change when my moods change. The moon is waxing too. I should keep a check on it all.
Sometimes life gets far too confusing for me. Today I had a tricky text conversation with a customer. It completely baffled me. Oh well. Some people. Life is life. All is good now. Things have a way of working themselves out. They always have. Intuition is fantastic. Live by it.