I often wonder about reality. About my own reality and about how others perceive reality. I guess I’ll only ever know my own.  It’s funny how I think reality is or how it’s made into being. We externalise everything but everything for each individual one of us is solely internal. What we touch, taste, feel, hear and smell are all processed internally. All of our senses are ‘in our heads’.  Our reality is in our heads too. Maybe there really is no external. No outside. It’s said that our lives are a form of suffering. Maybe it’s down to our own reality and how we punish ourselves. Maybe we can and should bless ourselves and our lives. Life is a gift. I’m not sure where from but a gift nonetheless. Thinking differently about things or having a different view of reality is also a gift. I guess it can be seen as a curse by some too.  If we look at it from a perspective of Western thinking then it’s seen as illness but from other perspectives it’s seen as a blessing. Shaman are different. Their thinking or their reality could be taken as wrong or from mental health issues. Maybe it’s time we looked at things from a different perspective instead of saying it’s an illness. Maybe there’s something deeper down that’s a cause or even a cure, not that I personaly feel I need to be ‘cured’ of anything.  Lots to ponder on. As always. Such is life.  

Autumn is here and it is beautiful. The colours are so vibrant this year and it’s still very mild. I’m feeling great and alive and all is well. I’m continuing with my rituals and all is good. Life is good. I love life. 

All is well. The world is real and unreal. How do we know that anything is real or true? In fact how do we define reality? What makes one thing more real than another? One may say that if you can touch it then it’s real, but if all of the ‘nothing’ is taken out of a ‘something’ then there’s barely anything left or maybe nothing to see. So what is real?  Are thoughts real? What about if we think something and it turns out to be wrong or even paranoia? Does that make it not real, a fallacy? Is that thought unreal?  What about if we have a thought and it become a ‘physical reality’ ? Is it real because of the physicality of its manifestation? At what point does it become ‘real’.   

as the title says. 

I’ve been thinking I’m pretty level of late but im never fully sure. Reality to me is hard to work out now. At times the smallest situation can confuse me. Last night I sat at the dinner table with my wife, she had had a few glasses of wine, and we were talking about the news yesterday that 3,000 kids have gone missing in the first 9 months of this year in Greater Manchester. It felt to me like she was actually mocking me and goading me into a situation where it could end with an argument or disagreement. She kind of brought some stuff up that I used to go on about last year. Conspiracy type stuff. I know some of it is actually true, but last year I was pretty caught up in it too much and probably pretty delusional. The last thing I want or need is to be goaded about it or by it. That’s how it felt. I’m sure she won’t remember it today though. I know a couple of weeks back we all watched a second part of a documentary when she had drank a bottle of wine and the next day she suggested we watch the second part completely unaware that we had watched it. Anyway I don’t need to feel mocked, that’s just passive aggressive. Unless I read it wrong but last night and today I’m sure I read it correctly. 

So what is the ‘meaning’ of life? Is there a meaning other than just living. How vast is the universe really? Does it only expand when we can see more? Like we create it’s reality. Like we create our own reality. Is reality really real?

 I dreamt a rather strange dream last night. We were in my father in laws car and he went straight into a field and carried on and then further still. There was snow and it was night time. More to it than that but it was strange. Sometimes my dreams change when my moods change. The moon is waxing too. I should keep a check on it all. 

Sometimes life gets far too confusing for me. Today I had a tricky text conversation with a customer. It completely baffled me. Oh well. Some people.  Life is life. All is good now. Things have a way of working themselves out. They always have. Intuition is fantastic. Live by it. 

It’s a lovely clear start to the day here. A beautiful autumn day. I’m feeling good. Life’s good. I’m finding a nice balance to things. Long may it last. Life is precious and special yet at the same time it’s just life. Life goes on regardless. Quite often we forget about our divine nature. We have divinity within us. We are divine beings. The universe is an amazing place. Everything came from nothing.  That’s hard to get my head around. If it all started with a Big Bang then what created or caused the Big Bang and where did the start start from? Big questions. But where or what?  I’m ready for my retreat now. I’m ready to ponder upon creation and the creative forces. 

It’s Monday morning and we are back to GMT. The mornings are a little lighter right now and this morning my wife’s alarm went off at quarter to six not quater to seven because she hadn’t changed the time on her phone. We are now headed for winter but it’s still mildly warm outside this morning. I’ve found that it’s after the winter solstice that the days get colder as they get longer.   My moods can fluctuate a bit in late January into February.  I’ve always said that the tax office plays a sick joke by making the end of January tax payment time and early February VAT payment time just after the jovialness of Christmas and its Bachinalian/saturnalia celebrations and feasts. Ah oh well the old ways continue.  

 I’ve realised that we, as a species are still infants coming out of the caves. We are like ants. We are souls inside human bodies but get lost often in the confusion of life and we’ve made it so complicated and so competitive that its actually a farce or certainly farcical. Still I can’t complain because there is real beauty in our world too. Lots of beauty. 

I’ve had a Sunday at home and not been anywhere at all. I’m very surprised. I’m feeling quite relaxed even though my daughter is shouting at me following her and her mum arguing. She came up to ask me to play a game with her, I’m upstairs meditating, well trying too, and have been disturbed.  It was my turn for lay in but I got up early with the children as I wanted to do a ritual but didn’t manage a snooze either today. My wife got up about 9:30.  It was too late for me to go back up for a snooze. So now I’ve come up for arrest and to meditate she and my daughter argued. Theresa pattern there. I’ve seen it before. Oh well such is life. I just hope I’m not too tired tomorrow.