I’m off work today, a Friday, and might be off all weekend.  Yesterday I had something weird happen. It was maybe vertigo.  I was on a stepladder, only on the first step, and I stepped off staggering sideways to my left.  It felt like I was unbalanced.  It happened a few times and my head didn’t feel right all day.  Very strange indeed.   I finished work early and went to bed for 2 hours.  The night before my sleep was disturbed by Kara and Rhiannon arguing for about an hour after 10pm.  I’d fallen asleep and it woke me up.  It took until maybe 1:30am to get back to sleep and it felt like my mood was going up a bit. I’ve had disturbing dreams for almost a week now too, although last night was better.   I need to keep track of it because my thinking isn’t what it should be.  It’s slightly skewed.  Maybe it was just tiredness yesterday.  It didn’t stop me going to Krav Maga.  I need to keep an eye on it. There’s also some paranoia in my dreams etc and a bit in waking life too for the last week or so.  It’ll pass I’m sure.  It’s a tricky time of year that’s for sure.  Triggers etcetera.  I must keep vigilant.  

I’m sitting here wondering what the rest of this year holds but more so what 2021 has in store.  I think the UK will have another lockdown early next year and more people will question it.  Things will be exasperated.  More people will end up homeless and or out of work.  There’s unrest griwing that’s for sure. So far I’ve been pretty mentally stable.  I’ve been contemplating trying to come of my meds.  I need to ponder it deeper I think.  Weighing up the pros and cons has to be done when I’m not tired and not working so much. The risks of no meds would be possible deep depression and possible mania. Although I’ve learnt so much about myself the last 4-5 years I think I understand it all so much better, especially the warning signs of episodes.    

I’ve meant to blog for a day or two but someone has tried hacking the website so I’ve not been able to.

Autumn is here.  Winter is yet to come.  The day’s are so short. England is locked down until at least 2nd  December.  I think it’ll be longer even though it was announced today there’s a vaccine that’s 90% efficient.  There’s so much shit going on in the world. I think our lockdown will be extended.  There’s a push for The Great Reset.  There’s a push for Agenda 21 and Agenda 30.  I’ve known about both ‘Agendas’ for a long while.  Agenda 21 I knew about a few years back.  We are being pushed into a totalitarian world.  The UK is now a police state if you look up the definition of it. The police are going by government decisions and guidelines.  They’re doing the governments bidding.  People are living in fear.  They’re having fear pushed upon them by the government and mainstream media.  People are scared.  It’s wrong.  We have a rogue government in England. They’ve lied to the people knowingly and willingly.  They’ve falsified the numbers of infections and deaths. They’ve falsified their projected infections.  All of this knowingly.  It has to be brought to account.  We have to be aware of what’s really going on.  And yes I sound paranoid but no I’m not.  I’m actually well. It’s just there are nefarious plans in place and being acted out.  It’s really not good.  

I’m feeling that I’m withdrawing even more from others and society.  It seems like it’s silly season on steroids right now.  There’s so much unrest in the world.  Governments around the world are pushing Agendas that are not necessarily in the best interests of their people.   Most don’t see it but lots are starting to.  It’s funny because talking about these things could sound paranoid if it weren’t for the fact they’ve put all the information out in documents that anyone can read.

 I often wonder if I’m a fake person. I see so many that are and the saying goes something along the lines of you see in others what you are.  However that doesn’t ring true for sociopaths and psychopaths I’d guess.  I’m questioning myself and my existence again too.  I know dark times are coming and I’m not going to close my eyes to it either.  We should all be very very aware of it all.

I’m saying too much already.

Autumn is here early this year.  It seemed to arrive right at the start of September and is at least 6 weeks ahead of usual.  Does it mean we will get a longer harder winter? Who knows.  I hope not because I see this winter as being tricky enough as it is.  There seems to be an air of strangeness around but maybe it’s just me.  People seem more agitated and easily angered.  I’d guess it’s to be expected with hardships and job losses for many people. It’s been exceptionally wet too.  Barely a day without rain for the last 5 or so weeks.   It’s grey most days and feels bleak.  Maybe it’s a reflection of this in people that seems so grey.  What really is going on?  I’ve a good idea.  Agendas are being pushed but I’m having to step away from it as the bigger picture, if true, is bleak.  I’ll keep a good eye as often as I can.  I’m not religious but there certainly are parallels to The Book of Revelation.  Maybe it’s easy to find these links and commonalities though if we try.  I guess everyone who has lived and been religious could think they’re in the end times or find parallels.   As humans we do like to find patterns and hidden meanings in things.  It’s what we do.    Keep well and keep moving forwards.  What will come will come.  

Are we heading into a dystopian world or have we already started that journey? Things are looking very shady regarding what’s going on with the virus.  There’s so much going on it’s hard to keep up but there’s some shady shit going on too.  Very fucking shady shit.   Lots of little slogans being bandied about and they sound like they make sense until you hear and see them other places too. ‘Build back better’ is just one of them.  ‘We need to x, y or z by 2030’ etcetera etcetera is another.  Google these.  Look into them.  Look into the UN and it’s Agenda 21/30 and what’s really going on.  So much is changing.  ‘The new normal’. It’s all mind control and conditioning.  Look into social engineering and how it works.  ‘Keep safe’ is another one.  ‘Protect lives’.  So much bullshit spread by governments to push their Agendas.  Crazy days ahead.  Lots of unemployment and a shit ton of social unrest thats growing.  The world is on its head.   

This isn’t a normal blog from me.  I’m pretty much well.  I might sound paranoid to some but hey ho.  I’ve been keeping my head down but watching what’s going on in the world. I’ve been getting news from various places and mostly not from the MSM but rather from alternative sources or from people on the streets.  America is looking tricky I’m some cities right now.  New York is seeing a big exodus of people.  Other cities and states too. It’s happening here in the UK too.  People are leaving London and Birmingham and moving to the sticks.  Some are buying houses without even physically seeing them.  The virus hasn’t gone and I expect it to come back stronger this winter.  Lots of people will be laid off too.  Rough times are ahead.  Seriously seriously rough times.  I’d advise anyone to buy some extra food while they can.  I think it’s going to be a long winter.   There’s also trouble brewing between China and a few countries but especially the USA.  It’s getting to the stages of a small military accident will start a war.  There’s so much more going on too.  So much more. It’s a crazy year that’s for sure and there’s a lot more to come.  Seriously get ready for food shortages.  Do it now.  

I’m sat here contemplating my life. What have I actually done with it?  I feel like I’ve done nothing.  Summer is pushing towards autumn and for the first time I fear winter but not because of possible depression. No. Other reasons.  My mood has slipped a little but I know why.  I was slightly late going to sleep last night.  I had to kind of force myself to shut down or else I don’t know when I’d of slept. I felt wired but thank fuck I realised it.  Tipping points creep up but are mostly noticed now. I watched the last episode of something last night and it’s certainly played on my mind.  I’m not afraid to admit I actually welled up a bit and had tears run down my cheek. Partly it was the series  I’d been watching but also things it brought up for me.  More things I thought I’d dealt with but obviously they will crop up from time to time unexpectedly.  The reasons it hit me was the good acting but also the scenario near the end.  It reminded me a lot of my mums death quite a bit even though it was slightly different but also very similar.  Mental pain is a complete cunt that’s for sure.  I’m going to carry on preparing for what winter might well bring.

On a lighter note my veg are growing well and I think it’s going to be a bumper year for pumpkins and butternut squash.  Cabbages are doing great too plus beetroot.  Some good in my world I guess.  

Edit: I’m shocked to have just seen how many subscribers there now are to this blog. Just under 32,000! That’s fucking crazy. I know there’ll be bots on that list but fuck me that’s a lot.  Unreal. 

this year is flying by like most years seem to these days.  I’m working lots as usual. Luckily I’m clearing debts and hopefully I’ll only have the mortgage as a debt in the next few months.  I’ve cleared a loan and have almost cleared my credit cards off.  It’s a relief.  A load off my mind.  I’m getting set for winter because I’ve a feeling it’ll be a fucking dodgy winter. I don’t think it’ll be just the virus either. The economy is fucked.  I think we are heading for a depression.  We’re already in recession.  Regardless of all of that life is good.