Today is the last day of my week this week as its Easter weekend. No more work until Tuesday. Lots of rest time.
I’m a little tired from working out again, but realise its part of the process. I’ll just rest a bit more. I’m feeling very good though. I’m conscious of it not becoming too much of an obsession though.
I’m aware that the tiredness could lead to a drop off in my moods if I get too tired. I’m keeping a good eye on things and I’m pretty sure my wife is too. I think she’s a little concerned already. I have realised that I find it hard to read others sometimes.
It’s another fine day today. There is a tiny bit of frost out there too but it’s nice and clear. I’m feeling good. Lots of things to do today. I’ve practiced qigong for about 11 minutes and meditated for over 15 too already. I’m not too sore from doing a leg workout last night either. So all is good. Today I will be calm and relaxed.
There’s not too much to say other than I’m feeling good. I’m not feeling hyper manic either, maybe the workouts are using up some energy and creating some different energy. I’m pretty focused on work too and getting out of debt.
I know things don’t change over night, one needs to work at them long term and not give up.
I had a really good day yesterday, both at work and within myself, until later in the day/evening. I went into my office to start doing my VAT and really couldn’t be bothered. I noticed I had a slight headache and wasn’t feeling great. I explained to my wife how I couldn’t be bothered with doing the VAT and that whilst feeling like that I should leave it alone, so I did. I went and had a long hot bath. Normally I would push through regardless. I’m glad I didn’t because I’m pretty sure I avoided a tipping point in my mood. Looking back I would normally of forced myself to get on with the VAT sand ended up stressed, tired and nosediving. This morning I’m feeling quite relaxed and good again, not too high. I think I’m lucky that I’ve avoided a huge mood crash and a day or two of depression and worry. It’s difficult to know when instinct is instinct and not laziness. Instinct is always right with me, but when it’s laziness I end up stressed because of putting things off.
Today is another great day for getting on with things and I’ve promised myself that if I feel good when I get in I will start my VAT, even if I don’t finish it. Luckily I steer clear of coffee now or I would of drank strong coffee last night and forced myself into my office. What a difference some clear thinking can provide! I’m still yet to start my list of goals in life, family, business etc, but I will. In fact I will start now.
It’s Monday morning and I’m a happy chap. I’m not too sore from working out. I’ve not got anxiety either! That’s great. I knew where we would be working today about 1 1/2 weeks ago. I just need to fill out the rest of the week now, which is really easy. I’m feeling calm too.
Its really nice to feel good and to feel calm. I feel like I’m winning a battle with my mind. My mind can easily tip the balance and switch my thinking without me noticing straight away. It’s like the default mode of my mind is set to negative questioning and fault finding. I need to keep going how I am and do a full system reset and set happiness and positive thoughts as my base setting! At least I notice it more now when it starts to creep the bad thoughts in and when that happens I now use a few memories to bring me back to level thinking. I’m building new triggers in to counteract or to show up my old bad thinking habits. I can’t be 100% that it will always work, but hopefully my lowest moods won’t last too long now.
I can only keep going I guess! Giving up is never an option. I’m not someone who gives up easily. I just need to keep my feet on the ground.
I’m feeling level. I’m feeling pretty good too. Nothing seems impossible right now and it’s not the normal hyper manic feeling of nothing being impossible either. It’s a real dealing of being able to get things done, to accomplish things. Yesterday I built a shoe rack from scratch. It felt so good to do something for our home. It’s also tidied an area up. I’ve decided that if I do one or two fast each week then I’ll build the bigger picture right up. Small bites of a big cake I guess. Or the saying that every journey starts with a single footstep. Life is a journey and can only be walked one step at a time, I know that sometimes we walk in circles for a while buy even walking in circles keeps us moving forwards.
I’m now starting to feel some soreness from working out. I like feeling how I’ve worked my muscles. Feeling that I’m progressing along. I don’t have huge aims or goals. I just want to get a bit bigger again and trim a little body fat off. I’ll take it from there. A little stronger too I guess. More foot steps. More moving forwards and more understanding of myself and my mind. Onwards and upwards.
Feeling good feels good. Lets breed that stuff. My new goals are to be more present, be calm and be kind.
It’s 6:59am here and it’s Sunday morning. I’m feeling really good and have been up since 6:05. It’s beautiful weather outside too, which always helps. My son is up with me and the lady’s of our house are still in bed. I went to bed a little later than normal, but not too much later. I didn’t read though so I was maybe 15-20 minutes later going to sleep and woke up about 15 minutes later than normal. I think I’m figuring my circadian rhythms out better as I go along. Fingers crossed.
I’ve noticed that I’ve started sneezing a little bit the last couple of days, I get hay fever quite badly at times. I guess it’s time to start using the neti pot with a salty nasal rinse. I did that last year and got rid of my hay fever almost totally.
Ive decided that I’m enjoying working out again, even though I only started back properly yesterday. I love the feeling of a worked muscle and the endorphins which are released might help with mood stabilisation in me. I certainly feel better when I exercise regularly. I do need to keep my feet planted with it all though.
Right, breakfast time.
Its 10:38am now and I’ve already worked out. I did back and triceps. I’ve not mentioned it lately but I’m still doing my brain training with Lumosity. It’s really good and keeps my brain sharp. A healthy mind and all that. I’m also pretty conscious of not making working out my ‘new obsession’. I need to keep focused on my family and business and especially my moods.
I have picked my weights and equipment back up today and have just finished my first proper workout. I`m feeling great. Chest and biceps today. Tomorrow I will do back and triceps. Working out always used to make me feel really good. I`m feeling pretty good right now, I`ll bet I`m sore tomorrow though!
I’m feeling pretty calm this morning, although a little tired. I’m keeping better circadian rythms and am going to sleep at pretty much the same time every night. Last night I went to sleep about 10 minutes later and woke up 10 minutes later. It’s as if my body knows exactly how much sleep to have. My meals are almost clock work too so that they don’t throw out my circadian rhythm either. It feels pretty boring to do it but its worth it not to throw my body and mind out and create a problem. I wonder how I would be affected if I drank a few glass’s of wine. I’ve not had any alcohol since early June last year, not that I was a big drinker then anyway. I’ve been vegetarian since around June 21st last year too.
I think that my kids haven’t had major meltdowns since I’ve been working on my mood swings either. Hopefully it’s helping all of us in our house, my wife included. I know that she’s struggling to understand it. Hopefully once I’ve more control it will all feel much more natural. I’m certain that the better I can keep to my rhythm the better control I will have.
I guess I’m an ongoing work in progress. Well hopefully I’m making progress. Later today I’m going to work on some long term goals. I’m going to list them down and then break them down into medium and short term goals so I can chart my progress. I’ve always liked having goals and aims and routine. My wife likes to live free of being rigid like that and over the years I’ve tried living that way, but now realise there’s always been a reason I’ve liked that routine. I’ve always thought it was because I liked the aims in life, but I now realise it helps stabilise my moods too. Maybe my wife will help me list some joint family goals too and help me to figure out the medium and short term ones that will get us there. We eventually want to build an Eco house, so maybe nows the time to start setting the goals that will lead there.
We’ve just got back from a really nice evening on the beach. My wife and son bought some food and a disposable bar-b-q while my daughter and I went to the dentists. After which we met them at the beach. It was lovely hearing the waves and watching the children climb the cliffs. We heard and saw skylarks and saw a marsh harrier too.
Today has been a pretty stress free day, which was my goal for today. I’m quietly content.