My anxiousness from this morning has subsided quite a lot and I`m actually feeling pretty OK again. Life is pretty good. I have realised I need to be the change I want to see in the world, in my world. I need to get off social media a lot more and to keep plugging away at my own development and my own life. I have achieved quite a lot today and am feeling pleased with myself, something I used to worry about because of ego. Now I see nothing wrong with being quietly happy with my achievements. Its just that usually I get caught up in my own greatness. In believing I`m superior and that everyone else is going slow or that they could do more than they do in life. Quiet, happy confidence is OK now I figure, as long as I keep it in check.
I`m feeling like I`m on a real roll of late, although I did start to get very hyper-manic last night but did notice the warning signs. My wife noticed them too and was quite concerned. In fact she took herself off upstairs out of the way because she felt she wouldn`t be able to cope with it, but luckily I managed to keep a lid on it by going outside and exercising and then calming down. We also managed to have a really lovely chat about it afterwards, which really meant a lot to me. I asked her if next time it starts to happen to try to come and have a quiet word with me, which I know isn`t at all easy for her as in the past I have been extremely grumpy with her if she has tried to intervene. Fingers crossed next time she will try it out and I will be positive in acknowledging what she has to say.
I love the feeling of having some power over how I feel after all of the years of trying to improve myself and then crashing at something. Hopefully now with being conscious of red flags and triggers I can try my best to keep a lid on things and become a much kinder, nicer person. That is my aim anyway. I am still also seeking my own enlightenment and still meditate and do practice to help work with my higher self. I guess its a lifelong work that I have on my hands. Lots of study and lots of self learning.
