This is going to be a pretty mundane post I guess. I’ve just been in my office looking at my finances. Something I’ve avoided for far too long. Earlier this year I had a meeting with my bank and they talked me into a loan to consolidate some debts, foolishly in some ways I agreed. I pay £177 per month for the loan. Well earlier this month I decided to take a good look at my loan on my online banking. I noticed I could over pay if and when I wanted to. There’s a nice little calculator there to work out how much you might save if you over pay. Well if I pay £30 extra off it saves me £129 on interest and knocks 1 month off the term of the loan! That’s a lot! So far this month I’ve made 3 payments of £30 each. £40 paid off saves 1 month and almost £175 in interest.   I checked my mortgage this morning. The interest is 3.99% AND I’m on variable rate again. I’ve just looked online at the best rates for a new fixed rate mortgage…..1.44%….I’ve a meeting on Tuesday morning with a mortgage adviser and will see what he can come up with. My mortgage is 20 years and several months. That rate of 1.44% won’t be forever but I’ll save LOTS. I guess I’ve not been switched on enough the last few years. I honestly feel like my mind has had too much other stuff to deal with and its just starting to wake up to finance again. I guess it pays hugely to be switched on financially.

Boring mundane stuff over with.  Life is still good. I’m finally starting to see light at the end of the tunnel. I’m going to have to try my hardest to get on top of everything and not get swallowed up. My magic is working well again. My rituals are going well and I think things are moving slightly differently in them. I need better focus and concentration though.  Things are good. I’m still not back on the forum that I was on and might not go back, I’m unsure, maybe it’s a trigger for me personally. I know others on there must find it a very good place and a good help but maybe I am a loner in life. I don’t socialise. I made the mistake of getting in touch with someone I’d cut out of my life yesterday. I contacted them as I had an offer of a gift for them. I ended up getting bombarded with texts and questions about esoterica and the occult. Normally I’m happy to explain these things to others but I’ve explained these things to this person possibly close to a hundred or so times.  I guess I will withdraw back a long way and keep contact to a minimum. He’s a nice guy but misguided I guess. I’ve tried steering him onto a good path. Anyway I’ve lots going on in life and lots of work ahead. 

My concentration levels in my rituals seem to of dropped. I’ll keep an eye on my mind at work too. Maybe I’m less present these last few days than I have been of late. My mind isn’t racing too much though. I’m not fully sure where I’m at. I know I’m tired though. That affects me. I’ll see how it all goes.  

Last night in my ritual I saw the nature of mind. I am not my normal conscious mind. I am something behind and above that. Waking Mind chatters away all day telling us we are right about this or that or that we are wrong and worthless and horrible. My waking mind tricks me. It punishes me sometimes too. It can make me jealous and can make me feel paranoid and worthless. It can take me back through my life analysing the minutest details of things I’ve forgotten or thought I’d let go.  The true nature of mind sits beyond and above all of this like a parent watching it’s child grow, watching the mistakes, the joy, the sorrow, the pleasure and the pain, waiting for the child to reach full growth and full awakening into adulthood.

It’s very possibly because of my rituals that these things are opening up again and that I’m feeling like my concentration is going or that I’m overly analysing things in my waking state. Through the ritual works deep psychoanalysis happens. Deeper understanding of oneself opens up. It’s a dangerous path though. Not one for most people. It can seriously play on ones mind much like meditation can too. It can heal things too though on a much deeper level. It’s my opinion that it reaches much deeper personal levels than modern psychoanalysis does. Much much deeper. It’s a very lonely or personal journey too. It can heal one though. I certainly feel that I’m making headway into myself.  I know that being much more aware of my internal mental state these last few months has also helped immensely.  It’s started to open the internal me or ‘I’ up ready for this. I certainly don’t feel like it’s making me loose my mind, which I was feeling not so long ago. I seriously feared I was loosing my sanity and that there was no way back. In fact I don’t honestly know what or where my ‘thinking’ was at. I guess it’s lead me to where I am at now though and cutting certain thought patterns out has helped but this was only possible by cutting certain people out. For a while I honestly thought I needed to cut my wife out too. For a while she was an enemy of my mind, in my mind, but my mind wasn’t in the right place. At times it feels like it might slip away again, and it could be anytime or any day or maybe never again. I honestly believe it’s all a healing process and I don’t like using that terminology but it does come closest to summing it up. I guess I’m still working away at it day by day. Being aware of the minutest changes helps me hugely.  I’ve just realised that I didn’t feel I had much to say this morning but this must be one of my longest posts on here. It just goes to show there’s always more that can come forwards or be learnt. 

I’ve done a whole day’s work today and I’ve done a workout too. I’m feeling pretty ok. I feared I might be coming down with something, I might yet as I can get a burst of energy before getting Ill.  

Today is the day of Saint Homobonus. He’s the Saint of tailors and small business and he was canonised for his generosity in helping the poorer people in his area. I’ve done some magic to call upon him for his help. Today is also the day of Jupiter which partially rules money and finance. So a doubly good day to work Saint Homobonus Magic. It’s a pity it’s not a waxing moon too but at least its jupiters day as well as his.  

I’m feeling pretty good in myself. I’ve had a good day at work and things are pretty cool in life. My thoughts have calmed down quite a bit too, which is always good and a relief. 

I’m feeling ok mentally but physically I think I’m coming down with something. I noticed yesterday at work I was slower than usual and I felt warm all day. This morning I feel warm but worn out. I’m very tired and my stomach feels kind of light and bubbly. My ears are ringing more than usual too. I will go to work as usual but I’ll keep an eye on how I feel as the day goes on.  

In other news I might of added an extra day to my retreat. The retreat hut owners emailed me last night saying it’s available one day earlier than I’d booked it. So I said that sounds great. I’m Looking forwards to having a few silent days. 

The last few evenings I’ve had headaches. I thought this was, in part, due to a certain mantra that I use in my rituals. It might be that I’m starting to get a virus, possibly. My son had one over the weekend and had a temperature with it. My dreams have also been slightly violent or slightly confrontational. I’ve wondered if that can be a signifier. Last night in ritual I felt very warm to say the least.  

Yesterday I had some paranoid thoughts creep in and my mind went up a gear or two. I’m pretty sure I know the trigger of it. It’s mostly to do with where I’m working. Possibly due to my body feeling warmer too. My body can feel warmer or hotter when my moods are changing too. My ears are ringing much more than normal too. It could be either or both. I guess I will find out soon enough. I’ve certainly been much more tired lately too. It’s funny how small things creep in and also make a bigger picture. My libido is pretty non existent lately too. That’s unusyal for me but I am feeling pretty balanced lately. 

I’m feeling good this morning after a good nights sleep. I’m feeling very rested. What a difference it makes. My mind could be a little slower but that’s ok. I’ve got a productive day ahead. I woke a little earlier this morning. I think my body is getting back in tune with the change of the clocks. I’m feeling good these days. Maybe even slightly ethereal at times. All is well. 

I’ve had a really productive day today and I’m going to have a good week too. Things are pretty good right now and I’m enjoying it too. Life’s pretty cool and awesome for me. I’ve had a new book arrive today called ‘financial sorcery’ and I’ve started reading it already. It’s about using sorcery and magic to help ones wealth. I had a book arrive on Friday which I’ve waited a while for ‘The Dragon Book of Essex’. I’m reading quite a lot again at the moment and mostly it’s going in too. I’m doing my rituals regularly too. It’s good having fast but not too fast thinking right now. 

I woke up a little early this morning with a little anxiety. Not much but a little. Yesterday had some confusing moments for me. I woke in the night robust the toilet too. In fact I needed to use the toilet a little more than usual yesterday.  My son has had a virus and a bit of a temperature, I hope it’s not that, but if it is then so be it.  

When I woke in the night to use the toilet I woke from a violentish dream. I was in a city, Peterborough I think, and was trying to escape from a couple of guys. I’d been working with them but somehow it ended up violent. Anyway they managed to kind of corner me around some houses with a couple of friends. Somehow I foubd or had a crow bar. I fought my way out. I hit them around the head and body with it. Just before waking I remember that I’d got them to a hospital area where there were police too. I’d fractured their heads and broken some bones in their bodies. Strange dream, but not so unusual for me this time of year. Oh well. I wonder if dreams like this are also a precursor to illness? Often this time of year I can be overworked and get a virus. It would fit with my subconscious dream state fighting off things. I had a much shorter dream about the lad who used to work for me just before getting up too.    

Today I have a choice of things I can do. I think I’ll go fix a couple of holes in a roof and then fix some brick work. I’m really enjoying my work again. 

I’ve decided that it was a good idea not to work yesterday. I’m relaxing a little today. Off out for a walk shortly. I had a lay in this morning which is unusual these days. All is good. 

I’ve realised that my rituals are also now part of my circadian rythmns. I’ve also realised that my thinking isn’t so fast these days, it’s pretty ok for me. It can be super fast. Also I’m feeling much calmer and much more in control of myself and life. All is well. Things are good. Life is good. I’m good, I’m very good. I’ve not worked today. I have been to look at work though. I looked at a very sweet old chapel that needs some re decorations. It’s almost my ideal place to live when my children have grown up. I loved it. Nice people too. I got made a cup of tea and was given a nice slice of cake too. Very nice. Life really is beautiful.