6 months!

Wow! I’ve now been meds free for 6 months and fuck me backwards hasn’t my life changed in so many ways. I’m far more productive at work, I’m working a lot more too. Life is good. I’m working on self improvement a lot too as well as manifesting. Talking of manifesting, I manifested myself a car. I’ve now got a Mk1 Audi TT 225bhp Quattro! Absolute little rocket and so much fun to drive. I love it. It’s black. It’s a good stepping stone towards an Audi R8 too! Life really is what we make of it and I’m making the absolute best of mine now. Onwards and upwards as they say. Life is so very precious and far too short to be a miserable bastard. It’s all good.

RIP Linda

One of my initiators into the esoteric has died. She will be sorely missed. A great lady who once saw off a robber who was armed with a crossbow all on her own by telling him to “fuck off and don’t come back in here. You’re barred” when he tried robbing their post office. I’m keeping an eye on her husband. He’s a good man too. RIP Linda.

Life is good

As the title says, life is good. I have lots I’m working on, and through, in life and myself and still have further to go but I’m getting there. Challenging my thoughts helps immensely. It’s amazing how much has come and gone from my life. I’m still practicing semen retention and stopped counting the days. I’m also on week 5 of a certain online/zoom meetings course which is about understanding self and also the works and our place in it. I’ll mention more after I’ve finished it. It’s certainly very interesting how our thoughts can tell us lies if we don’t question them, and quite often we not only don’t question them but we are unaware that they’re there telling us lies! The only thing we can really have any control over in life is ourselves and especially our thoughts and thinking. Life really is good once we understand all of this and put it to work. Once we understand who I AM is life becomes much easier. I’m amazed at how hard I’ve made my life at times without doing it on purpose. My life is good now, there obviously will be huge challenges ahead, and most of the difficulties that I place in it are done on purpose to teach myself self discipline. It’s great. Try it.

Day 21

So here I am. Day 21 of semen retention and so far it’s reasonably tough this morning. Yesterday was similar. My testosterone is probably peaking again, which seems to happen every 6-7 days, as I’m horny as fuck right now and can feel huge masculine energy simmering inside me. I’ll hz file it because I know what it is. Before SR it would’ve driven me pretty crazy feeling like this. I’m using that energy in a different way now though. It’s fuelling my workouts and my life. I’m funnelling it with ficus to improve my life and increase my workload and productivity. Living a semi monk type life isn’t easy but it’s starting to be rewarding. I’m getting some inner strength which I didn’t think I’d ever be able to access. The control over mind comes too. I’ve never lacked focus and drive when needed but this is so very different. I guess it’s the I AM energy within me. We all have this. Often we don’t know it though.

Angel Numbers

This weekend a lot of Angel Numbers have cropped up. I find it extremely intriguing too as I’m kind of going through a metamorphosis. I started a group course based on certain principles last week and I think this is all part of a much greater whole. Things have accelerated since starting the course, I won’t mention what it is yet, and it’s helping me to tie up many loose ends in my life. I know huge change is coming and started in October last year. It picked up speed then onwards and more so since I seriously started semen retention and being super strict with my lifestyle. Each passing day I gain more self mastery too and from last week onwards I’m gaining a greater understanding of my mind and my thinking. Not only my thinking but how to control it. I see it as hugely beneficial to my mental health. I’ve been meds free since October too and have never felt more in myself and much more aware. Once things have progressed more I’ll open up about it but quite honestly I think it can be life changing for many in the world. Back to the Angel Numbers…just wow. It all ties in. They really do mark out important times in our lives. For once I’m kind of letting life flow yet still being in control. I guess I’m going with life rather than forcing. So much has happened the last 4 months it’ll take a while to fully sink in. There’ll be a lot of transitioning to come too. There’s a certain person in life I eventually hope to make peace with too but that will happen if it happens. I fucked them off and just hope it will heal. No more forcing. Just allowing it to happen. Lots to think about but not think about thinking.

Lessons learnt from SR

I’m still on my path of semen retention. I never thought I’d be doing this or that I could have the energies which come from it. Napoleon Hill wrote about using the sexual energy to gain focus and insights in his book Think And Grow Rich. Chapter 11 is about that energy and using it. I’m still using a breathing technique in the evening to shift the energy upwards. This really ought to be studied more in depth. It encompasses our subconscious and our creative imagination. I’m still also doing body weight workouts about 5:30am pretty much every morning but this week I’ve started lifting weights again too. I’m keeping my diet pretty strict and on the odd occasion that I have something with sugar in now I notice it gives me a lot of wind and bloating. I’d say my diet is more Leto based now with more meat eaten. My abs are showing too as well as my obliques and my physical energy levels are great. I’m meditating at least 2-3 times per day again too. It’s funny how sex used to have a hold over me until I understood and harnessed that energy and have started using it to better myself in life. This energy can similarly be harnessed by women too. I now have goals in many other things too. Sleep is still very important to me and I get a good 7-8 hours of solid restful sleep each night. It’s all good.

It’s all good

This morning I lacked concentration at work but caught myself pretty quickly. I registered I was distracting myself and thinking thoughts I didn’t want to think so I dropped to the floor to ground myself and did a plank for a short while. It passed almost instantly then I cracked on with work. I had a great day.

We are what we think and we can change thoughts at will. Think the right thoughts and the right things will happen. It’s all good.

Self reliance

I’ve realised I have to have self reliance. I cannot expect others to be there for me because others can and will let one down. I’m fast realising yet again how it’s best to have protection of self as top priority. Be one’s own hero. Resilience is growing in me. I think there’s a lot I have to shed to move forwards in life now. Time to toughen up. The path has been laid out before me and I’m treading the first footsteps. Semen Retention seems to have a way of bringing people in from the past and bringing up distractions from the spiritual path. I am seeing this ever more clearly. My willpower and my resolve are being put to the test to see if I am worthy of what is rightly mine, and which I have laid claim to. I have the power of the I AM behind me now.

Self discipline

I have written out my goals for the year ahead. I’ve set down a roadmap to get there. I’ve put down what my aims are for January. All through the Christmas p ’eriod I’ve stuck to pretty rigid patterns to keep on top of my self discipline. I’m laying the foundations of my future. I know it’s not an easy road that I have ahead and that the decisions I’ve made have hurt and affected others, but I know longer term we will all be more than fine. I am tasking myself to get uncomfortable in life, to get hungry and lose my complacency because I know where I am headed and what I will achieve. I like to have a warm bedroom but my bedroom is cooler now. I had previously been almost obsessed with sex but I am now abstaining fully. I used to like the occasional food treat or justified eating more than needed but now I am pretty strict with food and have cut sugary foods out almost completely again and have lowered my carb intake. I’m actually getting abs again. One of my goals is to get into the best shape of my life physically, mentally and spiritually. I’m reading lots again and meditating too as well as manifesting. I’m catching any thoughts that don’t serve me well and changing my thinking when I can too. I AM.

Day 5 of SR

Yes I’m back to day 5 now. I reached day 19 then succumbed. I’m amazed that I got that far. My goal now is 21 days then a month. If I reach a month I’ll aim for 3 months. I was a little annoyed at myself for succumbing but I decided that the best thing to do is just accept it and move on. Right through the Christmas period I have still been getting up about 5-5:20am. In fact 5:20 is a lay in. I’ve also been doing bodyweight exercises still too with the odd weights workout thrown in. I’ve stuck to eating well and am still losing bodyfat/intramuscular fat. My abs and obliques are starting to show more as is the definition in my pecs and delts. my back is probably the first place thats started getting cut. Legs are getting there too and what I’ve noticed is my face is leaner. When washing or touching my face I can feel my jaw and cheek bones more too. It’s all good.

Life at home has had its own challenges over Christmas and I totally understand that Kara is living in mental pain. I honestly hope she can get past this soon. Theres been much more too but I’ll not mention that in here as I don’t want to paint a bad picture of her. It’s time to keep moving forwards now. It’s possible that the house might get sold or go on the market, we will see.

Seeing as it’s New Years Eve I guess lots will be talking about New Years resolutions. I wont be because I know that if I decide to change my life I just get on with it. I don’t need a date on a calendar to tell me or to wait for. I think its why most fail at their New Years resolutions. They build it all up in their minds too much then feel too much self pressure and pressure from others. If you want to change then do it.

Edit: I forgot to say that we all fail but its how we handle that failure that counts. Do we just give up and go backwards or do we dust ourselves off and start again and keep going. If its the latter then we never truly fail.

the ramblings of a builder who is bipolar